


Rewriting History

by readersanonymous (fanficprince)



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: (I'm laughing that this is a real tag LOL), (mentions of) Drugs, (you kind of get stabbed by needles a lot so sorry???), Bucky Barnes's Metal Arm, Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Spoilers, Choking, F/M, Injury, Kidnapping, Needles, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-06-03 13:13:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 23,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6611917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficprince/pseuds/readersanonymous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your good friend Steve Rogers asks you to house a fugitive for him while he gets everything settled. Your days with Bucky are all but ordinary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Are you sure this is a safe place?” Sam asks.

Steve pats him on the back and replies, “This is the safest place out there.”

When Bucky is beside them, Steve knocks on your door. It was around noon and you had just gotten up from sleeping. You hear the knock on the door and glance over, thinking who it could possibly be. Putting down your toast, you go to answer the door.

“Well, what a pleasure it is being visited by the great Captain America.” You say, seeing Steve stand in front of you, wearing very discreet clothing. “And look, you brought friends! Please come in!”

“You can drop the enthusiasm now, Y/N.” When Bucky and Sam enter the room, Steve shuts the door and you go back to buttering your toast.

“I’m always delighted to see you Steve, but it seems like every time you visit, there's something you need done. Can't you ever visit me just to say hi?” You bite into your toast and make your way to Sam, “the names Y/N, and you’re the Falcon, right?”

“Yeah, that's me. Sam Wilson, nice to meet you,” he shakes your hand firmly and you laugh at his concerned face. “How do you and Steve know each other?”

You smile and say, “let's just say, he needed something that I had, and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“She's where I go when I need to go dark. This is my personal safe house, for when things get rough.”

“So things must be getting bad. I'm guessing that's Bucky.” You say, pointing over to Bucky, who is stood in the corner. “This is a pretty big job, Rogers. The whole world will be after him once the news gets out that he’s a freelancer now.”

“I know,” Steve puts his hand on your shoulder and squeezes. “That's why I need you to keep him safe until I talk to Tony.”

“Steve, you know what Tony is going to say. You know what they’re all going to say. The world doesn't want to forgive a killer, even if it wasn't his own will.” Steve looks at you with his washed out eyes and you glance over at Bucky, who looks like a lost dog. You sigh and put your hand on his, “But you're a good friend to me and to him. So I'll take care of him.”

“Thank you, Y/N,” Steve pulls you in for a hug. “I don't know what I'd do without you.”

“You and your friend here would be dead, that's what.” You squeeze him and let him go. “Sam, take care of Steve for me. I know he's in big trouble right now and he needs someone by his side.”

“Will do,” Sam heads out towards the door and Steve follows. Before they leave, Steve whispers to Bucky a few things and then goes. You’re now left alone with Hydra’s deadliest weapon, great. You go back to your toast and butter a piece for Bucky.

Sitting down on your couch, you pat the space next to you and urge him to sit. He hesitates for a while, but finally sits down to eat.

“Steve has told me a lot about you,” you say, sipping your coffee. “You two are both a hundred years old. Fascinating, isn't it?”

Bucky doesn't speak but he humbly eats the toast in seconds. You let out a soft laugh and get up to get some more toast for him.

“Sorry, I'm a pretty light eater in the mornings, but I'll have something filling set out for dinner.” You stop him before he stuffs another piece of toast in his mouth and hand him a glass of water that he takes a gulp out of before continuing to eat. You put your hand against his forehead to test his temperature but he grabs your arm before you get anywhere close to his face. It takes you by surprise but you ease into it, since he was in a constant state of fight or flight. Placing your other hand on his, you look at him and gesture for him to let go. He realizes he is still crushing your arm and releases you.

“I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

“Don't be. I should've warned you first. I'm just going to touch your forehead to make sure you're not burning up.” You place your hand back over his forehead. This time he is aware and lets you touch him. His forehead is mildly warm but nothing too alarming.

He looks at you puzzled and you giggle. “You’re probably wondering who I am and why I'm qualified to take care of you. No worries, it makes a lot of sense. Steve hasn't really told anyone about me, since what I do isn't very conventional. I’m a trained M.D but I only treat patients who need extreme care. Most of my patients are people who have suffered side effects from experimentation. There was a time where Steve’s body was not adjusting correctly to his new surroundings and the chemicals inside him were out of whack. That's when he found me. I put him back in check and we became pretty good friends. He’s been using my apartment as a safe house ever since.”

Bucky nods in understanding and take a sip of water. You notice his metal arm and his rough demeanor. He felt more machine than human right now, which hit you the wrong way. You get up and walk to your bathroom, grabbing some scissors and a comb.

“Come sit here for a second, Bucky,” you pat the stool by your kitchen counter. “I’m going to trim your hair a little, to give you a fresher look.”

He sits down and you lean in to trim his beard and his hair. You keep his hair long, since it seemed to fit him, but you opt his long beard out for a slightly heavier 5 o’clock shadow. Once you're done, you look at the freshened up Bucky. Bucky seemed pretty content with the trim which made you happy.

“I'm glad you like it,” you press your lips against his forehead and comb his hair with your fingers. “It suits you. I’ll go grab you some clothes so you can change out of this disguise.”

When you came back out, Bucky’s fingers were on his forehead. You look at him confused but you remember that you had technically kiss him. He must still be too new to the touch of other people. Handing him his new clothes, you point at the bathroom.

“If you want, you can take a shower if you’d like. Call me if you need anything.”

He nods and makes his way to the bathroom. You hear a light ring coming from your phone and you pick up.

“Hello?” You ask, “I hope you know who you’re calling.”

The voice is familiar and you remember who they are, “How are you? Is the medication helping? That's good to hear. If you need anything, you know how to reach me. Don't worry about paying me, I just care that you get better. Alright, have a good day, thanks for calling.”

You hang up and let out a soft smile. The bathroom door opens and Bucky has changed out of his grimy clothes and into a t-shirt and sweatpants. You walk up to him with a glass of water and he takes it from you.

“Sorry, that shirt is Steve’s, it's a little small on you. I’ll order you some clothes later. I don't know how long you’ll be staying, but let's go make you comfortable, follow me and grab your things.” You point to Bucky’s backpack and dirty clothes that was laying on the bathroom floor. He puts the empty glass down and goes back to pick up his stuff then follows you to a spare bedroom you have.

“This will be where you’ll be staying. I hope it's comfortable enough for you. That door right there,” you point to the corner door, “it connects to my room. If you ever need anything, or are in danger, I'll come running.”

Bucky puts his stuff down and sits on the bed, feeling the sheets in his fingers. He looks back up at you and he smiles.

You smile back and nod, “well, you should get some rest. I’ll wake you up when dinner is ready. Sleep well, Bucky.”

When the door shuts, you make your way back to the kitchen and check your phone. You have several emails, mostly old patients contacting you to tell you that they felt better and are sending you money. You never charged for your services but your patients were always grateful enough to send you money. Checking the balance on your bank, you send out your rent money for the month and then order your groceries to be delivered. You decide you should take some time to order clothes for Bucky. You opt to purchase a few bigger shirts along with boxers and socks. Since he wore Steve’s pants pretty well, you bought him a couple pairs of sweats too and a pair of basketball shorts for the occasional hot flash. You were sure to purchase all of these from different retailers and had them sent to your various PO Boxes across NYC. Tomorrow was going to be a field day for picking up all those purchases. You threw in additional soaps and other house necessities that would run out eventually and bought everything on overnight shipping. By the time you purchased everything, you got a buzz. 

“Who is it?” You buzz back. You hated answering the buzzer, everyone you were close to had a key to get into the building so they never had to buzz. 

“Hey, lady, I got a grocery delivery for someone in your building but they ain't answering their door. You mind giving it to them? I got another place to hit on the upper east side and those crazy rich bitches get real stingy about being late.” 

You snicker because you had your groceries delivered to the guy below you, who was out on business for the month. “Just leave them there and get going, I’ll come down now.” 

“Alright, they're your problem now.” 

Before you leave, you go back to check on Bucky. He was sleeping sounding. He slept with his arms crossed and without a blanket. The air around you wasn't too cold so you took a light throw and placed it over him then left to grab the groceries. 

It hadn't been the first time you hid someone in your apartment. You had done it multiple times before. Most of your patients were like Bucky, escapees of experimentation. You would house them until they were well enough to get falsified identities and couldn't be tracked by whoever was after them anymore. This was the first apartment, however, that you've lived in for more than six months. You were about to hit a year in this apartment soon. After you treated Steve, this apartment became home. It had two connecting rooms and another room, where you kept your medical station. How you found such a perfect apartment, you’ll never know. 

You think of all this as you’re preparing dinner. Bucky uses a lot of energy maintaining the imbalance of chemicals inside of him so he would need a lot of food to keep him at bay. Plus, a good meal can make anyone happy. You chose to cook a beef stew and make a spinach risotto. Once everything was plated and ready, you went to get Bucky. He had turned over and held the throw in his arms. You thought about the best way to wake him up and chose to put your hand on his. Once you touched his hand, he jerked awake and you took his hand in between yours. 

“Dinner’s ready. Sorry to wake you, I hope you slept well,” you massage his hand and his body eases up. “We’ll work on that reaction. It's good to be alert, but you need to know who to be alert of. I promise, I’m not a threat.”

He looks down, his hair covering his face. You brush his hair aside and reassure him, “it's okay to be this way, Bucky. You’ll get use to my touch soon, then everything will get easier. Now come on, I got a good meal waiting for you.” 

You stroke his cheek a little and he nods. You lead him into the dining room and you both sit down and eat. Since Bucky didn't talk much, you turn on the tv and watch some comedy sketches. Every so often, you caught Bucky smiling, which was a good sign. Once you were both finished eating, you clean up and invite Bucky to watch late night shows with you, which he accepts. 

“I love watching late night, laughing before I go to bed is such a good way to end the day.” You say, looking over at Bucky, who is watching the tv closely. You realize that he probably hasn't had much exposure to entertainment so you go on your phone and add a few video games to your purchases. 

You and Bucky sit there watching late night until around 1am and then you can see Bucky’s eyes droop a little so you send him to wash up and then to bed. When you know he’s safely resting, you lay down on your bed, exhausted. You wrap yourself in your sheets and go straight to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

You’re woken up by a sudden scream and you bolt to Bucky’s room. Bucky is furiously sweating and fidgeting on his bed, screaming something in Russian. You need to wake him up but you can't do it abruptly so you put your hand on his forehead, hoping that his instincts will wake him up. Gladly, they did, but they woke something else up too. 

In moments, you were on the floor, with Bucky’s hands around your neck. His body was sat on yours, pinning you down. You tap repeatedly on his arm to try to get him off of you, but he won't budge. The air is escaping your lungs at a fast rate and you don't know how much longer you can keep up your struggle. You use your last bit of energy to reach your hand up to touch his face. Before you faint, you can feel his hands come off your throat and wrap around you. 

You wake up in your bed, wrapped cautiously in your sheets. You feel your neck, which has bruises from the incident last night. From the corner of your eye, you can see Bucky, sleeping in the chair next to your bed. You let out a couple breaths and grab an emergency oxygen kit you kept at your bedside. This happened before, with other patients. Even Steve had a fit like this once, so you were prepared. You took a couple inhales of the oxygen and felt extremely better. You put your equipment away and then turned over to Bucky. Sitting up, you lean in and press your lips against his forehead. His eyes bolt open but his hands stop before they touch you. When he is fully conscious, he wraps his arms around you.

You comb your fingers through his hair and hug him tightly, “I'm alright, Bucky. You were scared. What you did was understandable.”

He shakes his head and you pat his back, “no matter what you do Bucky, I’ll always understand you. It's my job to take care of you. You didn't do anything wrong, it was self defense. In your state then, you didn't know who I was. But I know who you are. And you would never hurt me, right?”

Bucky nods and you pull away from the hug to look at him, “that's good, that's really good. I’m your friend, so I'm going to help you.”

You press your lips against his forehead and he flinched a little but relaxes into it, “Since that will be a more effective signal, I’ll do that whenever I need to wake you up from a bad dream. Is that alright?”

Bucky nods again and you smile. You can feel his hands tense up on you as his eyes look down at the bruises on your neck. He reaches up to touch your neck but hesitates.

“It's alright Bucky, go ahead, they don't hurt much,” you take his hand and move it to your neck. “It’s good to be aware of your actions.” 

You wince a little bit when he touches the first bruise but that was the worst of it. He takes his time to examine your neck. You have to look up for him to see everything so you barely have time to react before he presses his warm lips against one of your bruises. His arms hold you against him as he kisses all your bruises. When he finishes, he rests his head against your shoulder. You cup his face in your hands and press another kiss on his forehead. 

“That was very kind of you, thank you.” You say, smiling, “I’ll heal, don't worry. Now come on, let's go eat some breakfast then I've got a couple errands to run.”

Bucky’s arms are reluctant to let you go, but he eventually helps you up out of bed and walks with you to the kitchen. You hand him some fruit and have him cut them into pieces. You make some oatmeal and mix the fruit in, handing a bowl to Bucky and then sitting down with him on your couch. You two spend the morning watching the news and it’s calm. You don't want to leave Bucky alone, but you can't have him out in public so soon. You decide it’s best to take him with you, as long as he stays in the car. It was getting chilly outside which is perfect, so you have him throw on a sweatshirt and jeans, plus a pair of gloves, fully hiding his arm. You throw a hat on him and glasses. 

You laugh a little, “wow, you look like a completely different person.”

You tuck his hair into his hat and look at your good work, giving him a thumbs up. You grab your coat and your keys and the two of you leave to pick up your packages. 

“First stop, you're getting out with me, the rest of them, you’re staying in the car.” He nods his head and you start towards your first destination.

This PO Box got the most amount of packages so you needed the extra man power. You had ordered a PS4 and an Xbox so that you could introduce Bucky to different forms of entertainment but you weren't expecting the boxes to be huge. You could've carried them yourself but having Bucky there was for more reasons than one. Once you and Bucky grabbed all the packages, you look around for any cameras. You had spotted one on the way in and a couple inside the post office. When you get the door open, you have Bucky walk out first. 

Bucky takes a few steps down the stairs towards the car when you call to him, so he turns around and you lean down to kiss him on the lips. His lips were still warm despite the cold air and they linger on yours. You smile into his lips and kiss him once more before walking down next to him. You both out everything in the trunk and you look up at him. 

“Can you kiss me again?” You ask, unsure if he’ll comply since you didn't warn him of your intentions.

Bucky turns towards you and pulls you close, leaning down to kiss you. His hands move to your face and he kisses you softly, lingering a little after you pull away. You lean your head against his chest and giggle, to which he takes the opportunity to wrap his arms around you and hug you. After the gentle embrace, you two get back into your car and you drive out of there. 

When you were a good distance away from the first post office, you tell Bucky why you did that. “Sorry if that came to you as a surprise. It was a precaution, in case anyone were to suspect us. Now they will think we’re together and that would justify why you’re coming home with me and leaving my place with me.”

Bucky glanced over at you and nods in understanding. You let out a sigh of relief, “that's good. I was worried you were going to freak out, most patients overreact to intimacy during treatment. I think it's a good way of enhancing results, plus it opens the patient up to emotions again. How are you feeling?”

“Good,” Bucky says, a light blush forming on his cheeks. 

You do the last couple spots by yourself. It was good that you did because your head was going crazy. You forced back your blush and your accelerated heartbeat. It's true that you kissed Bucky for the sake of covering up your agenda. But you can't stop your heart from pounding in your chest. You don't know if he was developing an attachment to you but you felt like you were getting attached to him. You touched the bruises on your neck under your scarf and remember his lips against your skin. Your mind started to go wild, thinking about his lips on other places and you shake your head. You had to get those thoughts out, you were his care taker, you couldn't do those kinds of things with him. 


	3. Chapter 3

When you got back, it was almost time for lunch, so you tell Bucky he should try to get some exercise in before you both eat. Your exercising equipment was in your living room, since you liked to work out and watch tv. You point at the treadmill and weights and hand him the work out clothes you bought for him. As he exercises, you tear the tags and toss all the boxes to your packages. Once you set up your gaming consoles and hung all of Bucky’s new clothes in his room, you start on lunch while Bucky showers. When he's changed, you have lunch all ready and you both sit on the couch and eat. You introduce him to afternoon talk shows which he watches with some confusion but some interest as well. It made sense, since it was just a host talking about something or with someone for an hour, but you still liked to watch them. 

“I can't believe she's having another baby! These housewives are crazy,” you say at the tv, crossing your arms. Bucky lets out a quiet laugh and you glare over at him, then you start laughing too. “I can't believe I just said that out loud. I forgot I have company. Have you watched a lot of television?”

“No,” Bucky’s voice is a little raspy, so you grab him a glass of water. 

“I watch a lot of tv, since I spend most of my days in my apartment,” you take a sip of your tea, “I actually think I watch too much tv, that's why I'm yelling about people I don't even know.”

You both share a laugh and you get closer to Bucky to show him how the remote works. When Bucky is having the time of his life scrolling through channels, you excuse yourself to shower. Your shower was nice and long, plus your new soaps were amazing, you smelled like an apple pie. Walking out of the bathroom, you can hear the tv. Bucky has stumbled upon the classic Disney movie Sleeping Beauty.

“Did you ever get to see this film?” You throw some popcorn into the microwave. 

Bucky shakes his head. 

“Did it just start?”

Bucky shakes his head again.

You then grab the remote and turn off the tv. Bucky looks at you like you’ve just done the unspeakable and you giggle. You point to your massive DVD collection and walk over to grab Sleeping Beauty out from the shelf. 

“Let’s watch it from the beginning together then. Wouldn't wanna spoil anything for you,” the popcorn pops and the microwave dings so you toss Bucky the DVD and point at the DVD player and hopefully he can figure it out as you pour popcorn into a bowl. 

You turn back around to see Bucky fumble with your DVD player which ensues another laughing fit in you. He turns around, looking at you with a confused expression so you put down the bowl of popcorn and show him how to use the DVD player. You make a mental note to start teaching him about newer technology, maybe even get him a smartphone eventually. 

You didn't realize when you closed your eyes but you were awaken by a soft kiss on the lips. When the lips parted from yours, you rub your eyes and see that you’re in Bucky’s arms, who is holding you softly on the couch. 

“I'm sorry, I must be tired from unpacking all that stuff I just bought for us,” you yawn. You feel your lips and look at the tv, it was showing the end scene of Sleeping Beauty. Bucky must've kissed you because of the film. 

You let out a soft laugh, “does this mean you’re calling me beautiful?”

He doesn't respond, but he hooks your hair behind your ear and caresses your face with his warm hand. You lean into his hand a little and smile.

“Thank you, you're quite sweet for someone who doesn't talk much.” You decide to get up, not because you don't want to stay in his very comfortable embrace, but because the credits were coming to an end. After taking the movie out of the DVD player, you check the time. It was around 5 so it will still too early to have dinner so you grab your laptop, placing it on the coffee table.

“I liked that movie,” Bucky says, almost too softly, you nearly missed the comment. 

“I'm glad to hear that,” you reply back as you go to make two cups of tea. “It's truly timeless then.”

Handing Bucky the cup of tea, you type away at your laptop and go on the IKEA website. You bring your laptop closer to Bucky and show him some furniture pieces.

“Since you’ll be staying here a while, we should customize your room a little.” You begin to scroll up and down the pages, “whenever you see something you like, just tell me to stop and we’ll look at it, okay?”

Bucky stares at the screen and nods and your light shopping adventure begins. You wished you could take him out into an IKEA store and have him mess around with the display and get a feel for what he might really like but that luxury isn't readily available sadly. At least you have the Internet. 

It was around 7 when you both decided on getting Bucky a blue comforter set, a firmer mattress, three pairs of sunglasses (though you don't know when he’ll get to wear them, but he wanted them so you got them), a shirt that says “I'm not old I'm vintage” (you actually bought two so you could give one to Steve too), and other small things Bucky liked. The most prominent purchase was a small puppy plushie. He didn't say much about it, he just wanted it so you got it. Maybe it reminded him of something he had when he was a kid, which was never a bad thing to have. 

You’re halfway through cooking dinner when your phone rings. You tell Bucky to chop some vegetables for you as you pick up. 

“I need help, please, I can't move,” a voice on the other line says. 

You gulp and try to speak calmly to them, “I hope you know who you’re calling.”

Their response. It was incorrect. All your patients, they knew the code. Who had your phone number? You immediately sprint to your computer and plug in your phone, keeping them on the line. Tracking their phone number, you can see that they are thankfully nowhere near you. You send ambulances their way and tell them you’ll be there in a few minutes and hang up. 

You quickly send a message on the dark web to all your patients, notifying them that your services have been suspended unless there is an emergency. Opening your window, you chuck half of your burner phone into a trash can across one street and the other half in the next street. You turn on another burner phone and sigh. You were always extremely careful so you don't understand how you could've slipped up this time. 

You feel two hands touch your shoulders and you get startled and turn around but realize it's Bucky. He looks at you concerned and you sigh again. 

“It's nothing. I don't think there’s anyone after us but I had to be safe. Sorry if I worried you,” you rub the back of your neck. “This happens quite often so don't think too much about it.”

Before you noticed, Bucky’s arms enveloped around you and held you close. You lean into his chest and breathe softly, listening to his steady heartbeat. It made you feel a lot less anxious. You disliked strange phone calls like that, they always took you by surprise. It was nice to have the comfort of someone by your side when strange things happen. You and Bucky stayed like that until it felt right to let go. 

“Thank you, again,” you say, patting his chest. “You’re very kind to me. I’m grateful. Now, let’s go eat dinner.”

Luckily, the next few days are very ordinary. Only one of your clients has called to inform you that they are doing well and will be sending you some funding, which was great news. You and Bucky have gotten into a daily routine of breakfast + news, exercise, lunch + afternoon talk shows, a classic movie, then dinner + late night. Everything has been very ordinary, until it was time to get the mail again. 


	4. Chapter 4

You decide to take Bucky out again to pick up your mail with you. You want to let him drive so he can practice real life skills again but your fear of him getting caught in a traffic camera stops you. Bucky can sense your tension and gives you a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder as you head out. Thankfully it was a pretty chilly day so you could layer Bucky up without suspicion again. 

You fix his cap a little bit, “we’ll be back soon and then we’re going to decorate!”

“I’d like that,” he gives you a soft smile. 

You can't help but smile back then get into your car. It was the first time Bucky has really openly smiled at you, which is a good sign that his recovery is going well. 

This time, you go to another set of post offices around the city. As for recent routine, Bucky helped you with the first run.

As you both walk up the stairs towards your box, you reach out and hold his hand. You squeeze tightly and look at him, giving him a cheeky thumbs up. He tries to contain his laugh and succeed, though he slips out a small smile. 

“Hi, I received some packages and would like to pick them up,” you say, sliding one of your many fake IDs towards the working lady.

“Sure thing sugar,” the kind woman says, her Texan accent peaking through. “And can I just say, you both make such a lovely couple.”

You raise your hand to hide your blush and are suddenly pulled into Bucky’s arms.

“The pleasure’s all mine,” he presses a kiss against your forehead. “I’m a lucky man.”

“You certainly are! And you're one lucky lady,” the woman hands you your packages with a smile. “Now, don't let this one go or I’ll take him from you.” 

“No worries ma’am,” you pull Bucky down for a lingering kiss. After your lips part, you look right into Bucky’s eyes, “This one’s mine.” 

Bucky grabs the packages and you wave goodbye to the working woman. You open the back door for him and he throws them in. Then you were off to your next destination. 

Again, you decide to do the last few runs by yourself, just to have a little time to think for yourself. You only had alone time when you weren't helping a patient and as much as you loved dedicating time to your patient’s well being, your mental state was deteriorating. You kept thinking about why you’ve grown such an attachment to Bucky. Is it the way he smiles when he thinks you aren't looking? Can it be his hopeful eyes? Why can't you stop thinking about the way his lips feel against yours? You try to shake these thoughts away as you and Bucky made your way into your apartment, carrying all the recent purchases. 

“You should really get out of that jacket and these,” you pull the gloves off his hands and he takes off his coat. You sigh and rub the back of your neck, “sorry, about all the precautions.”

“I understand,” he put his hand on your shoulder and you nod. 

“Let's go unpack all of this stuff and get it into your room!” You proceed to drag the boxes into Bucky’s room, while Bucky lifts them with ease. 

“Well, do you like it?” You and Bucky stand, looking at the newly decorated room. It had splashes of red, white and blue everywhere, “Feels very homey.” 

“I love it,” he puts his arm around you and gives you a light squeeze. 

“Oh!” You quickly pull yourself out of his light embrace. “I completely forgot about something, just wait right here.”

You dash to the living room and open one of your boxes, filled with small purchases you needed for the apartment and pull out a smaller box. When you get back, Bucky is leaning against the wall, admiring the look.

“I got you a little present to ease you back into things. You’ve been doing really well and I think you deserve it. Here, open it,” you hand him the box. 

Bucky takes the box from your hands and delicately opens it. He pulls out a box enveloped in velvet and proceed to open that. His eyes light up and you smile.

“Go ahead, try it on,” he pulls the silver watch out of box. “It's completely waterproof and it’s even bulletproof. I kind of went all out.” 

You walk up to him and help him adjust the watch. When it fits correctly, he gives you a smooth thumbs up. 

“Thank you Y/N,” his voice is soft and soothing. Bucky looks back at the box and pulls out something else, a silver ring that was much too small for one of his fingers. He glances back at you puzzled, ring in hand.

“That would be mine,” you take it out of his fingertips. “They were a package deal so I thought I might get something pretty for myself too.” 

You place it in your hand and lift it up to Bucky, who is still looking deeply at it.

“It's a silver ring with a red ruby,” you slip it onto your left ring finger. You gesture to Bucky, “You shouldn't have! Of course I’ll marry you, you didn't even need to ask.”

Bucky’s eyes slightly widen, which puts you in a laughing spree.

“I couldn't resist,” you look at the ring, admiring it. “Jokes aside, I hope one day someone will treat me as good as I treat myself.”

You stand there, smiling at your new accessory. You’re about to switch your ring to your middle finger when Bucky’s hands stop you. You look up and see that Bucky is much closer than you remembered. His hand goes up to caress your face and his other arm pulls you even closer to him. When you can feel your chest touch his, your heart goes into a slight panic. Your face gets flushed and you try to hide it with your hands but Bucky’s hand lifts your face up to him. In a matter of moments, his gentle lips press against yours. His kiss was enchanting and your heart was on fire. 

When he pulls away, you instinctively lean back into him, craving his lips. He humbly obliges and kisses you again, more deeply this time. 

“I can treat you well,” he says as your lips part. “Let me treat you well.” 

These were the difficult situations. As much as you wanted him, he was your patient. You don't know how an emotional attachment would do regarding his treatment. Could it help him? Could it hurt him? You're snapped out of your thoughts when you feel Bucky hook your hair behind your ear. 

“Bucky,” you reach your hand up to caress his face. “Is this what you want?” 

“Yes Y/N,” his lips crash back into yours and you wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him in closer. “All I want, is for you to want me too.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smut starts here (sorry not sorry?) so enjoy yourself!

He was intoxicating and it felt like you were losing control of yourself, “I want you, Bucky. There's nothing I want more.”

You close your eyes and bite back any sounds trying to escape you as Bucky trails slow kisses down your neck. He moves to unbutton your shirt when you stop him. 

“Let's do this at the same time,” you start to unbutton your shirt as he watches. When you pull your shirt off, he lifts his shirt over his head. 

You walk up to look at him. You put your hand on his hot chest, feeling him breathe in and out. You hesitate to touch his scars so you hover slightly over them.

“They don't hurt anymore,” he says, taking your hand and putting it where his shoulder met with the metal. 

You gulp slightly, “Bucky, can you sit down on the bed for me?”

He nods and sits down. You pull off your pants and slowly walk over to him, in nothing but your underwear. You situate yourself on his lap, his hands holding you tightly. You take your hand and push lightly against him until he lays on the bed. You then begin to examine him for the very first time. Your hands trail down his chest, feeling every curve, his beautiful chiseled chest and the scars it held and especially his shoulder. You started your kisses there, lingering them against the scarred tissue. When you get down to close to him, he groans. 

You start to undo his belt when he says, “stop, please.”

You take your hands off him right away and he gets back up, his chest pressing against yours. He lifts you up slightly to kick his pants off, leaving him in just his boxers. When he slowly puts you back on his lap, you can feel him harden against you, letting a moan escape out of you.

“Let’s do this at the same time,” his lips are back on neck and his arms are holding you against him. He unhooks your bra and slowly lets your breasts show themselves before you toss it on the floor. His lips trail down and kiss your breasts lovingly. You let out a slight yelp when he nibbles on your nipple. You can feel him rub himself against you and your center feels soaking wet. You have to grip onto him as he starts to grind against you, giving you the friction you crave. He moves you over onto your back and gets on top of you, trailing his kisses back down you again, except getting much further this time and a lot closer to the destination you want his lips to be. He gently pulls your panties off and immediately dives into you, making you gasp and grip him even harder. You’re trying your best not resist clawing into him but his mouth was doing wonders in between your legs. He has you bend your knees and when his mouth leaves you, you whine slightly. He kisses and caresses the inside of your thighs and hovers over you. 

You can feel his finger press against your opening. He looks at you and you nod. Pushing his finger slowly into you, you arch your back to get closer to him. When he starts to pump his finger in and out, your head goes crazy. Your hands grip onto the sheets as he adds another finger and quickens his pace. You could feel your climax building up inside of you, every time his fingers pushed into you, you were one step closer to exploding. 

“How close are you?” His mouth hovers over your clit again.

“So-” you try to breathe out the words, “close.”

When his mouth is on you again, you lose it. Your orgasm comes stronger than you expect it and your whole body shakes and writhes like crazy. Bucky continues to pump into you, lapping up all your fluids, prolonging your climax. 

When you come down from your high, Bucky has pulled his boxers off and leans down to kiss you. 

“You're so beautiful,” he says as his hand grips himself, pumping up and down as he kisses you. 

Your hand lays on top of his and he stops. You take a breath and use your other hand to push him back, so that he's sitting up. You lean forward, wrapping your hands around him. He groans at the feeling of your mouth on him. You swirl your tongue around the tip of his cock and continue to pump him as you sucked on his tip. He pulls your hair out of the way and leans his head back, feeling you against him. His grunts were subtle and filled with want. When you know he was fully erected, you stop and straddle him. 

You caress his cheek and kiss him, “I want to make you feel good.” 

You slowly push yourself onto him. His cock was, well, a lot to handle. It takes you a while to get him all the way inside of you. 

Leaning yourself against him, you hold onto his back. “Sorry-I've just, I've just never felt this full before.” 

You start your pace off slow, letting yourself adjust to his length. Your breaths are hard because you can feel yourself coming to another climax very soon from just having him inside you. 

“Are you alright?” Bucky looks at you, concerned. 

You nod and keep lifting yourself up and down on him, “I'm okay, I just-”

His hand goes down to rub against your clit, which make you grip onto him harder, “Are you close again?”

You nod into his shoulder, shaking slightly, “yes, very close.”

“I’ll take over now,” his hands go for your hips, pushing you down against him, making you moan. “I’ll be gentle. Tell me to stop if it's too much for you.” 

You wrap your arms around him as he lifts you up and pushes you back down against him. He picks up his pace and you hold onto him tightly, your climax building faster and faster. 

When he pulls out of you almost completely, you whimper slightly. Then when he slam you against him, your orgasm hits, hard. You can't help but grip his back tightly as he quickens his pace immensely to ride you through your orgasm. 

“Keep-” you breathe heavily, “going.”

He proceeds to continually slam into you until his orgasm comes and you can feel him fill you up. You wait until your breathing has regulated a little before kissing him. His kisses were still incredibly hot and heavy and your heart was pounding in your chest. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another smut warning because it's an update, why the hell not. amirite?

After laying in bed together for a while, you take his hand in yours and you lead him off the bed and into the shower. 

You turn on the water and get in. He joins in after and the water hitting your skin felt amazing. You were blessed with a decent sized shower so you were able to fit both you and Bucky with space to spare. 

Once you both are all cleaned up, you dry yourself and get dressed. You both stand in front of the mirror and you can't help but laugh.

“We really are perfect for each other,” you snuggle into his arms. 

He smiles into the mirror and kisses you softly on the head, “yeah we are.”

The rest of the day went on very nicely. You made lunch and watch tv, except now Bucky holds you in his arms, making watching tv 100x better. 

When night falls, you both walk together back to your rooms. You stand awkwardly in front of your door, looking at Bucky.

You let out a soft cough, “can we-I mean, do you want to sleep with me?”

Bucky walks back to you and opens your door, gesturing for you to go in first. You both get over your sheets and Bucky opens his arms for you to lay in. It feels so nice. 

“I hope you’re comfortable,” you say, as you rest your head on his chest.

“I am,” he smiles at you. 

“Good night Bucky,” you close your eyes and listen to his heart beat.

“Good night Y/N,” his lips press against your head and you drift into sleep.

When you wake up, Bucky is still sound asleep. He has gotten comfortable with you around, which is good. You want to lay there for a little longer, but you need to buy groceries. You would order them again, but pulling the same trick twice might draw suspicion. You try to pull yourself out of Bucky’s embrace but he pulls you in tighter, kissing your neck. 

“Morning,” you say, sighing against his touch. 

His hand trails down to your center, which is slightly wet. 

“You-you can use the other hand, Bucky,” you feel him run against your clit. “Don't be afraid to use both of your hands.” 

His lips kiss your back as his metal hand slips down your body. It’s cold but you turn to hide your excitement. You’ve used toys before, but nothing like this. You bite your lip as he circles his cold finger over your center. Clutching onto your sheets, you gasp as his finger pushes inside of you. His other hand moves back to your clit and is rubbing it gently. He curls his finger inside of you, barely missing your g-spot. He pulls himself out of you and he presses himself at your entrance. You spread yourself a little more and he pushes his cock inside of you. When he starts hitting  _ that _ spot, you can't hold back your moans anymore. He grips you tightly against him as he pushes into you faster and faster. Your climax has you shaking and Bucky’s comes quickly after. You both lay there heaving. His breath tickles you, making you giggle. 

“Now how am I supposed to get up and go buy groceries?” 

He hold you close to him, “you don't.”

You turn to face him and peck him on the lips, “sorry love, food is important.”

Bucky nods and lets you go. You change out of your pajamas and sit back down next to Bucky on the bed. He is laying down, his hand running up and down your arm.

“I’ll be back soon,” you tap on his watch. “Don’t miss me too much.” 

He leans up to kiss you and holds your face in his hands. Bucky presses his forehead against yours and kisses you again. 

“I’ll be waiting for you,” his breath is hot and you resist taking him right there.

You get up and pull on a sweater, waving goodbye to Bucky. 

When you're at the grocery store, you can feel the butterflies in your stomach and you can't stop smiling. It has been a while since you’ve been with someone and Bucky was incredible. You barely realize you throw a box of catnip in your cart, you suddenly shake yourself out of the daze.

“Having a good day?” A man in a suit buying dog food says to you.

You laugh as you put away the catnip, “I guess you can say that. I don't even have a cat.” 

“Well, I hope your day stays good,” the man walks away. 

You look back at your cart and you have enough items so you make your way out. It was still early in the morning so not a lot of people were in the store. You glance over at the cashier next to you and see the man in the suit again. He waves at you and you don't know why but you wave back to him. You go back to packing up your things and leave.

When you’re putting your groceries in your car, you can feel a presence behind you.

You close your trunk and turn around. The man in the suit was right in front of you, holding a rag. The rag presses against your mouth before you can run and you try to fight him off but your head goes blank before you can do anything.

The next time you wake up, you’re strapped in a chair in the middle of a room. 

You struggle against your restraints but they hold you tight.

“Now, now Y/N,” a man steps out from the shadows. “Don't hurt yourself.”

“How the fuck do you know my name?” You growls back.

“I know everyone,” he bends down in front of you. “I've been looking for you, for a very long time.”

“Who are you and what do you want from me?”

“I’m from a little organization called Hydra,” you hear a click and feel a gun pressed against the back of your head, “and I want you dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh yes, another cliffhanger. Am I horrible? Indeed, indeed I am. Stay tuned for more!


	7. Chapter 7

Bucky looks at his watch again. It was probably the fifth time in the last five minutes. It has been hours since you left for the market and you have yet to return. When Bucky hears the keys turn, he darts to the living room to meet you. Instead, he is greeted by his old colleague.

“Hey Buck, how are you?” Steve comes up and gives his old friend a quick pat on the back. “You’re looking good, new clothes?”

“Y/N got them for me,” Bucky smiles at his shirt. “It was better than wearing your old clothes.” 

“I like the shirt. I'm not old, I'm vintage. Hilarious,” Steve laughs and looks around. “She better have got me one too. Where is Y/N, anyways? She shouldn't leave you alone for too long.”

“Steve, I'm worried. She hasn't come back yet,” Bucky brushes his fingers through his hair and they both sit down. “She left three hours ago to get groceries and she has yet to come back.”

Steve thinks for a bit, “it doesn't take her too long to get groceries if she doesn't deliver them. At most maybe an hour, and that's only when she’s tight on cash. And with all the new stuff she's got, I don't think that's the case.”

Bucky’s hands shake nervously and he takes deep breaths to try to calm down, “I’m afraid that something’s happened to her.”

“Yeah, I am too.” Steve sighs, “and with everything happening with the Avengers right now, we can't bring this up. I have barely had a chance to talk about you to Tony, we’re still on cleanup duty.” 

“Maybe she's just running late,” Bucky checks his watch again and puts his hands together, resting them on his forehead. “Y/N, please be safe.”

“Wait, Bucky, what is that?” Steve grabs Bucky’s wrist and looks at the watch.

“It's a watch, Steve, you have one too,” Bucky points at the one on Steve’s wrist.

Steve shakes his head, “no, this isn't a watch. This is an undercover device, used by agents so they can track each other while out in the field. This is an exact copy of the ones S.H.I.E.L.D had. Did it come with a ring?”

“Yeah it did. Y/N is wearing it,” Bucky takes off the watch and hands it to Steve. “Can you find her?”

“I think so. I’m still new to all these gadgets but...” Steve takes the watch and presses a couple buttons, opening a holographic menu. When he is done scrolling through pages, he finds the tracker and presses on it.

“She's still in New York,” Steve zooms in and looks up, wide eyed at Bucky. “She's at an abandoned factory in Hell’s Kitchen.”

“What is she-no,” Bucky slams his hand against the coffee table, nearly shattering it to pieces. “They couldn't have.”

The TV in the living suddenly lit up and you appear on the screen, all tied up. 

“Y/N!” Bucky and Steve scream in unison.

You try to scream something back, but there's a cloth around your mouth and you pull on your restraints. 

“Why hello, Winter Soldier,” the man holding you captive makes his way into the TV’s frame. “Oh, and you have your dear friend Captain America with you. I guess you both won't need Y/N now, will you?”

The man points a gun directly at your skull and you scream into the cloth, none of your words coming out. 

“Well you know where to find her,” the guns safety clicks off. “If you can make it here before I shoot her.” 


	8. Chapter 8

_ Moments before…  _

“We both know that's not the only reason I’m here,” you lean your head against the gun. “If you wanted to kill me, you would've done it already.”

“Clever girl,” the man pulls up a chair and sits in front of you. “I want the Winter Soldier.”

“I have no idea who you're talking about,” you spit in his face. 

Another man hands him a clean rag and a file of papers, which he throws on the floor in front of you. The photos spilled out of you and Bucky, some by the post office, some in your apartment.

“How the fuck did you find me?” You hiss.

The man rolls his eyes, “did you really think you could hide from us? Let's not pretend anymore, you've been running from us for too long.”

You can feel your breath catch in your throat. You look away from the man and try to calm yourself. You have been running. 

“Don't you remember me? You may have changed how you look, but you’ll always be the same. We used to see each other all the time, especially when you were stationed in Siberia.” 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you say, with less vigor. 

His hands lift your face to look at him, “but you do know. I just wonder if your sweet Winter Soldier, or what do you call him. Oh yes, Bucky, let's see if he still loves you after he remembers who you really are.”

“I never wanted worked for Hydra. You guys took me against my will,” you scream back. “I never wanted this life, I never wanted to be a part of that insanity. Hydra took everything from me. If I can't live a life, it doesn't mean I can help others.”

“You can try and heal all the Hydra escapees as much as you’d like, but that won't stop us from making more.” 

“You’re all monsters, every last one of you,” when he’s close enough to you, you give him a strong head butt, which is met with a blade at your throat. 

“I'm tired of hearing you talk,” he snaps at one of his men in the room and in seconds, there's a cloth tied around your mouth and you can barely breathe. You try to speak but all your words are muffled. 

“Maybe I should let Bucky take you back, just to see your past eat you alive. When are you going to tell him about your fine contribution to his treatments? Or shall I?” The other men pull up a tv and a camera, pointing them at you.

When the screen turns on, you can see Bucky and Steve on the screen. They’re in your living room. You scream at them, but they can't hear you. You can hear them calling your name, their voices filled with concern. You want to tell them not to come here. You want to tell them not to save you. But you can't speak. The cloth was in the way and all the words wanting to escape your tongue came in strings of muffled cries.

“Why hello, Winter Soldier,” the man holding you captive makes his way into the camera’s angle. “Oh, and you have your dear friend Captain America with you.”

You try again to get out of your restraints and scream out, but to no avail. You can feel your eyes tear up and just looking at Steve and Bucky’s worried faces breaks your heart enough.

“I guess you both won't need Y/N now, will you?” You feel the gun press against your head again and click. “Well you know where to find her. If you can make it here before I shoot her.” 

The TV and camera shut off and the man removed the cloth around your mouth. 

“No, no, no!” You growl at the man, thrashing your arms as hard as you can. “Why can't you just leave us alone?”

The man leans down in front of you and you feel a needle stab you in the neck. Your eyes begin to droop and the last words you hear are, “because my dear, you and Bucky are the greatest creations we’ve ever made.” 


	9. Chapter 9

_ Years ago… _

Everything was in Russian, but that was obvious since you were in Russia. You don't know what made you decide to study Russian in college, but you did. You weren't incredibly good at it and if someone spoke to you too quickly, you couldn't understand them. But you always tried your best and that’s really all that mattered. Because of your slight fluency in Russian, you were asked to participate in medical research here in Russia, which would help with your dissertation. 

“I’m going to be a Ph.D soon,” you clutch your bag right against your body, hugging it. 

This company paid you excessively large sums of money to do your research. You had never heard of them before, apparently they were big in the 40s and are attempting to rebuild themselves. They were heavily into your research, since you specialized in psychological care and emergency medical treatment. When you signed your contract, it specifically noted that you shouldn't research too much into them, which you obeyed since you couldn't refuse the large sum of money that would go towards paying all of your student loans. You did most of your scientific research solo, every so often a correspondent of theirs would drop by your lab to ask about results but they were never too invasive. 

Until they asked you to work in their headquarters, deep in the mountains of Siberia. They said that they needed you to do some trial testing for the serum you created, which aided in the regeneration of cells, helping those who are hurt heal faster. You explained to them countless times that the serum was barely ready for human trials yet, but they insisted you do them. You told them that the serum would react differently with different people due to biological factors and that you were trying to create a serum that would work for everyone, which took time.

You hadn't realized they were on a time crunch until they brought you in to see him.

“That is James Buchanan Barnes,” the man tells you, gesturing in front of him. Your eyes glance over at the machines, that were reading his vitals.

“He's dying,” you say as you walk into the dark room. A man with a metal arm and long hair was laid out flat in front of you. You place your hand gently on his chest. You can feel him breathe, faintly, against your hand. 

“We need you to give him the serum,” the man asks. “It's his only hope of surviving.”

“I'm afraid it might not work or it might cause other more harmful things,” you brush the hair out of his face. 

“It might save him,” the man whispers in your ear. 

At the time, you couldn't imagine not saving someone’s life. You had the ability to save him. Your serum did work, mostly, but it had side effects that were tailored to the person. Were the possible side effects enough for you not to treat this man? No, you had to treat him. It was your duty to, as a human being. You wanted to help. So you did.

A few hours after you injected the serum, you came by to check up on James. His heart rate was back to normal, along with his breathing. You let out a relieved sigh. His skin felt a lot tougher, as if a new layer had been formed. You recorded all of this for your research. 

“Well done, my dear,” the man walks back into the room. “It looks like he’ll survive to kill another day.”

Your eyes shot up and looks at the man, “what did you just say?” 

“Did you not know?” The man walks up behind you and presses his hands down on your shoulders, firmly. “He's the infamous Winter Soldier. You've heard the legends, haven't you?”

“The Winter Soldier is a myth,” you say back, shaking his hands off of you. 

“Sweet naive girl,” you feel a needle press against your neck. You attempt to swat it away but the serum injects into you before you can. 

“What are you doing?” Your eyes get tired and your breathing slows. 

The man picks you up and lays you down on another bed, strapping you in. “I read your research. When you tested your serum on a newly born rat, it displayed what you described as a radiance. I hope it does the same for you. I've never met such an innocent and good-hearted person before in my life.”

With that, he injects you with your serum and you drift off into sleep. 

His voice lingers in your ear, “Hail Hydra.”


	10. Chapter 10

When your eyes open again, you're laid flat out on a bed in some room you’ve never seen before. You glance over to the window. The moon was still high in the sky and you rub your eyes. Wait, the moon. You could see it so clearly from your window. You sprint up out of bed and run up to the window. 

“Where am I?” You gaze out of the window. The window had no glass and the room you were in was made of some rock-like material. You lean over to see that wherever you were bordered the ocean. The salty sea air was cool against you and you realize it's a little warmer than you're used to. 

You were incredibly high up, on the edge of a cliff. The moon practically lit your room up, though there wasn't to light. There was a dresser, a bed and mirror. You look down at the nightgown you were wearing. 

“When did I change?” You touch your head. You were still feeling a little woozy from the sudden rush up. You sit back down in your bed and think. Your wrists were still slightly bruised and so were your ankles. Somehow, you got out of there. Someone got you out of there. The cut from the knife on your neck had healed up. How long have you been out? 

The door creaks out and you jump off the bed, facing the body in the moonlight. As they close the door, a familiar figure appears. 

“Steve!” You run up and give him a hug. 

“Glad you're awake Y/N,” Steve holds you just a little too tightly. “Thought we’d lost you there.”

“Where are we?” You ask, stepping into the other big room. 

“Another safe house,” Steve says, walking you to the living space. “I managed to get us here under the radar so you should be safe until things settle.”

When you enter the space, you can see Bucky, slightly scratched up but nothing major. You let out a sigh of relief and smile. Immediately as he catches your eye, he stands up and walks up to you, pulling you into a warm embrace. 

“Thanks for saving me,” you rest yourself in his arms. You look over at Steve, “You too, Steve.”

Steve looks down at his watch, “well I need to run, Sam’s waiting and we can't be late or someone will think something’s up. You know how to contact me.”

“I’ll stay in touch,” you separate from Bucky to wave goodbye to Steve, who leaves right after. 

Bucky takes this moment to wrap his arms around you from behind and you smile into his arms. His voice is slightly shaken up, “I thought I lost you.”

“I know,” you lean your head against his arm. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

You turn back around to touch his face. It looks like he hasn't slept in days. He keeps a tight hold of you, “your heart stopped beating.”

You nod, “that's what the serum they gave me does. Shields the heart rate from detection but my heart was still beating. I'm here, alive.” 

“I know,” he rests his forehead against yours. His grip on you gets a lot tighter and you can feel something hit your face. A light streams of tears were dropping from Bucky’s eyes and he tries his best not to let them out, but they keep falling. 

You hold his face in your hands, wiping away the tears. You kiss his cheek and try your best to stay strong for him, “It’s okay to cry, Bucky. I’m so sorry for worrying you. I should've been more careful.” 

“It's my fault,” he looks at you, his eyes still watery. “They wanted me and they knew I cared about you.” 

“It's not your fault, Bucky.” Your breath slightly catches in your throat. “It's mine. They wanted us both, so they used me to lure you in.”

“Why would they want you?” He thinks about it and shakes his head, almost like a scared child, “they would've hurt you because they knew I'd never let anyone hurt you. They’d used you to get me to do those things again.” 

“Please don't think about those things,” you hold his cheek in your hand, caressing it. He closes his eyes and his face softens in your hand. You take a hold of his hand with your other one. 

He holds onto your hand tightly, “I’ll never let you go again.”

You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss it, “I’d like that.” 


	11. Chapter 11

The days slowly started becoming more and more routine again. You were off the shore of some small town in Italy. The locals were all familiar with your situation. It seemed like they were all a part of something much bigger, but you never questioned it. Your groceries came to your door every Friday. The townspeople came to you for medical advice. Every so often, you treated a patient with the supplies you did have or could find laying around. Soon, you became the town’s emergency medic. 

You and Bucky had been there for almost a month now. You never talk about the hostage situation and Bucky never brings it up. He barely talks as is. It doesn't feel like he has been himself lately. You hadn't questioned it because some people cope with possible loss differently than others and you worked in Bucky’s comfort zone. 

He still enjoys tv and eating meals with you. He makes sure to regularly exercise and you engage his mind every so often with brain games and new technology. But he hasn't gotten close to you since that night. Every so often, he holds your hand but that's the most affection he gives. You both don't sleep in the same bed. He has nightmares frequently, though none of them shake him up violently, you always manage to wake him up to a calm state. He doesn't talk to you about his nightmares. 

It worries you but you don't want to push him to be affectionate again. Hell, you were afraid. Why are you kidding yourself, of course you're afraid. You were afraid of hurting Bucky. Your affection has caused him more pain than pleasure. If he knew about what you’ve done, it would crush him. Maybe it was for the better that you two weren't together. A professional relationship between a patient and his caretaker, that's what you and Bucky were. And that's how you both should stay. Right?

A yell woke you up from your slumber. You run to Bucky’s room and open the door. It's locked. No. No. No. Why is it locked? You shake the knob with all your might and it won't budge. His door is never locked. You never lock any of the doors, only the one leading outside. 

The shouts and screams become louder and more frantic. You can feel the sweat drip down the sides of your faces and you shake the knob, which still won't budge.

“Bucky! Bucky, I’m coming,” you search around for any keys. They were nowhere to be found. You take a deep breath and head back towards the door. You roll up your sleeves and pick up your pace. When you get to a running speed, you ram yourself against the door, crashing into Bucky’s room. You can feel the wood dig into your shoulder but you don't care. You just needed to help Bucky. 

He was shaking back and forth, mumbling something. You lean over him and press a soft kiss on his forehead. The shaking slowly stops and his eyes open. 

“I'm here Bucky,” you take a tissue and pat his sweaty face. “I'm here.”

He looks up but not at you. He looks behind you, making you look back towards the wreckage. You had almost forgotten about it when the pain in your shoulder hits you like a bullet. 

“Hey Buck,” you say calmly. “You might want to look away right now.”

Bucky is a bit reluctant but he nods and turns his head. You look over at the wood sticking out of your shoulder and grip it tightly with your other hand. You’ll lose your teeth if you pull out without precautions. Taking Bucky’s pillow in between your teeth, you quickly yank out the wood and toss it on the floor. You look over at your shoulder and see if there's any more wood stuck but it seems like that was the only chunk. It left a pretty gnarly hole in your shoulder, which makes you laugh a little bit. When you look up from your laugh, Bucky is staring with you, scared out of his mind. He takes your hands in his. You realize you're shaking, extremely. The shock was really getting to you. 

“I’m sorry. For breaking your door,” you let out a softer laugh, but it feels forced. 

“It's my fault,” he rubs your hands, trying to stop the shaking. He pulls you closer and kisses your hands, “I’m an idiot.”

“No, you're not,” you shake your head. 

“Y/N, I am,” Bucky says sternly, gripping your hands tighter. “I was so afraid of putting you in harm’s way but I still ended up hurting you.”

“Why are you afraid?” The words slip out of your mouth unintentionally. 

“Because I love you,” the words slip out of his, slightly cracked and a tear drops down from his eyes. “And if I love you, someone is going to come and hurt you and I can't-I can't let you get hurt because of me.”

“Bucky,” you pull your hands out of his and hold them in between yours. “No one can hurt me.” 

“They’ll hurt you, Y/N. They’ll hurt you to get to me and I-”

You turn to your side and show Bucky your shoulder. The wound has sealed up quite nicely. Your skin looked as normal as ever, besides the minor blood stains. Bucky looks at you, a little overwhelmed. His hand comes up to touch your wound, hesitant, but he grazes your skin with his thumb, feeling where a hole once was. 

“How-how,” he stares at you, wide eyed. 

“Let's just say you aren't the only one that Hydra experimented on,” you poke at your vanished wound. “It only works with open wounds. Any internal bleeding, like bruises, won't fix themselves and my body will naturally fix those. But if I get stabbed, it’ll clean up pretty nicely, like right now.”

“That's why you said they wanted you too,” Bucky says. 

“They wanted to find out how I got this and how they could get people with enhanced abilities to have the same healing rate,” you sigh. “I luckily ran before they could do any testing on me. Got a couple of other Hydra test subjects out too, and that's what started my current career.” 

“You’ve been afraid this entire time,” he lifts your head up to face him. 

You nod, “I'm always afraid, Bucky. But sometimes, we shouldn't let that fear stop us.”

Bucky reaches up to cradle your face in his hand. You both look into each other’s eyes for a while. You don’t know when, but he kissed you. The kiss was very sudden but needed. You missed this. The feeling of his lips against yours. His lips lingered for as long as they could and you held onto this feeling. You could feel your own heart beating in your chest and you could feel Bucky’s heart beating at the same pace. You’ve longed for that heartbeat. 

“I love you,” Bucky says against your lips. He holds onto you lightly, in case you don't feel the same.

“I love you too,” you smile and kiss him. That kiss was short and sweet, but the smile you got at the end of it was so worth it. 

Bucky takes your hand and places it on his heart. You place Bucky’s hand on your neck, feeling your pulse. Your hearts were beating so fast, at the same rhythm. 

This is love. 


	12. Chapter 12

Bucky helps you clean the wood off the floor of his bedroom and you both opted to sleep in your room tonight. After cleaning up, you were incredibly tired and practically fell face first onto your bed, getting a small laugh out of Bucky. He quickly climbs in to join you and wraps the blanket around you both, holding you close to him. It feels so comforting in his arms, you nearly drift off to sleep but then Bucky starts to talk. 

“Does Steve know?” Bucky brushes your hair back as he speaks.

You shake you head, “he probably does know, or has guessed so, but I haven’t told him directly.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You think about your response then reply, “It would’ve hurt your treatment. How could you trust your caretaker if she once was involved with Hydra as well? My past with Hydra isn’t like yours, Bucky.”

“Tell me about it,” he takes your hands in his. “It’s okay, I don’t blame you for anything you did. Much like how you don’t blame me for the things I’ve done.”

You snuggle up close to Bucky and start to explain, “They hired me while I was in graduate school. Large sum of money to do the research I had already been doing. At the time, I didn’t know they were bad guys. They were just a company that wanted to continue the research on a serum I had been trying to perfect, the one that gave me my healing ability, and they had a lot of money to fund my project. I hadn’t realized they were bad guys until...well...until I met you.”

“So we did know each other before this?” 

You nod your head, “not extremely well but I did give you my serum and it saved your life. You were dying and they made me test it on you, and you lived. Though, afterwards they told me who they were and what they were using you for, I realized perhaps letting you die would’ve been what you wanted. I’m sorry for that.”

He smiles and shakes his head, “don’t apologize. If you hadn’t saved me, I might have died never getting to see my best friend again and never getting to meet the love of my life.”

You bury your face in his chest and laugh, “I’m glad one good thing came out of my experience with Hydra.”

“One good thing? You must be kidding,” Bucky holds your face in his hands. “Y/N, you saved my life, you saved several other people’s lives who were under Hydra’s experimentation, and you’re still saving lives. You’re amazing.”

“Thank you,” you lean up to kiss him. “That means a lot to me.”

“Tonight might be the first night in a long time that I actually sleep well,” Bucky closes his eyes. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” and with that, you close your eyes too, drifting off into sleep to the sweet sound of Bucky’s calm breathing.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so great, a giant update, what??? uh yes please <3 Thanks to everyone who's reading this and enjoying it. You guys are fueling my passion for Bucky Barnes. Oh, which reminds me, SMUT WARNING WOOHOO!

You wake up to soft kisses on your neck. Your sleepy eyes open to the feeling of stubble grazing against your neck as Bucky’s soft lips lay themselves gently against your skin. He slowly moves himself on top of you, still kissing his way up your face until he rests his lips on yours.

“Well good morning to you too,” you kiss him back. You quickly glance over at the window, the sun was about to set, “Or well, good evening.”

“We’ve been asleep for a very long time now,” he kisses you again. “And I think it’s time we wake up.”

“Oh? And how are you going to do that? Because I’m still really tired,” you fake a little yawn and try to determine if Bucky is getting your messages. “And I could go back to sleep any second now.”

“You wouldn’t want to do that, if I were you,” Bucky’s hands make their way up your shirt, his metal hand making you tense slightly at the sudden cold.

“Someone’s talkative today,” you lift your arms up so Bucky can pull off your nightgown. He takes the time to admire how nice you look in just your bra and panties before unclasping your bra, pulling that away too. 

“Well, I’ve been holding in a month’s worth of words,” his hands rest themselves on your breasts, squeezing them gently. He starts trailing down kisses up to your breasts, taking one of them into his mouth, sucking on your nipple. You try to bite back any moans, but they all manage to escape your mouth. It’s been awhile since you’ve been touched, and damn did it feel good. 

“I’ve been holding in a lot of things too,” you wrap your legs around his hips and bring him closer to you. You can feel his hardness against you, so you grind on him slightly. “But it looks like you can help me with those things.”

“Glad to help,” he pulls your legs off of him so he can make his way down your stomach. Just before he reaches your clit, he stops and starts to kiss the insides of your thighs. His hand slides your panties off and you catch him licking his lips, making you blush. He laughs, “sorry, I just remembered how good you tasted.”

Your cheeks feel like they’ve lit on fire but before you could say something, his fingers grazed you and you shivered at his touch. 

He lifts his hands in front of you, “So which do you prefer, this one or this one?”

You get back into the game and smirk, “why not both?”

“I like your thinking,” he presses one of his metal fingers into your opening and it slides right in. “You’re already so wet.”

“Whose fault is that?” you close your eyes, feeling him slowly finger you. You reach out to grip the sheets because you need the support. “Oh god, I’ve missed this.”

He kisses you on the lips and breathes out, “I’ve missed you.”

He slips another finger in and you grip the sheets harder, “maybe we shouldn’t talk more often because this feels great.”

You move your hand up so you can bite one of your fingers lightly as Bucky starts to curve his fingers inside of you, making you moan. It’s so hard to contain yourself when you know you’re on the edge. You hold onto the sheets tightly and try your best to not scream as you are about to reach your climax. 

“Not so soon,” he pulls out his fingers. You whine in protest at the sudden emptiness you feel and you open your eyes to glare up at Bucky. The smile on his face is absolutely priceless and a little too cheeky for your liking.

You reach up and pull his shirt over his head, “why don’t we speed things up a bit?”

Your hands go for his pants, unbuttoning them. Bucky kick them off and pushes you back onto your back, his strong arms cushioning your fall. He rubs himself over your center, making you bite back a moan. You let out a sudden yelp as he pushes himself into you, filling you up completely. His thrusts are slow and you feel yourself building up ever so slightly. 

“You’re beautiful,” he places a kiss on your forehead.

You lean up to kiss him and smile against his lips, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Bucky holds you close to him, still keeping his slow pace. 

He pulls you up and wraps your arms around him, keeping you balanced. His kisses against your skin are sloppy and make you feel loved. You keep your arms held firmly around his neck as he starts to pick up his pace. His chest pressing against yours makes you feel hot and heavy and the way he was pressing himself against your g-spot was sublime. You barely saw your climax coming but when it came, it was a rush that filled your body with a soft warmth. Moments later, you could feel him fill you up and you let out a long breath against his shoulder, holding him tightly. 

He lifts you off him and into his arms, walking towards the shower. But you stop him, pointing to your window. He looks down at you with confusion and you giggle slightly.

“We’ve been here almost a month and we haven’t been to the beach yet. It’s about time we go,” you nuzzle your head against his warm chest.

“I’d like that,” he sets you down so you can change into appropriate swimming attire. When he reenters the room, he’s wearing a pair of swim trunks with the American flag on them, which makes you bite your lip hard trying to keep in a loud laugh.

“Can’t you wear something more...Italian?” You point at his room, gesturing for him to change.

He shakes his head, “I need to show my patriotism...and these are the only swim trunks we have. Steve probably left them.”

“Go figure,” you put your hand out and Bucky grabs hold of it. “Let’s go to the beach!”


	14. Chapter 14

The sun had just set maybe an hour ago but the locals never went out to the beach at night. Sometimes you would hear the younger people have quiet parties and you could see them from your window. The girls here were unafraid and loved dragging the boys in to skinny dip. You wondered if Bucky could hear the things going on on the beach from his room. You glance up to him and can’t help but grin. Despite the metal arm, he seemed like a regular person, holding hands with the woman he loves, shining heavenly in the moonlight. 

“Is there something in my hair?” He brushes his fingers through his hair and looks at you.

You put your hand over your mouth to hide your giggle, “it’s nothing. I was just admiring you, don’t mind me.”

He suddenly stops in his tracks. You glance around, concerned when the voices catch your ears. Bucky drags you to the side of a house, glancing over at the military trucks that had just rolled into town. You listen carefully to what the soldiers were saying. They were speaking Italian but you can hear your name and Bucky’s being said.

“The men are looking for us,” Bucky whispers in your ear. “They tracked us down here.”

“I told the locals they should sell us out if anyone posed a threat to them but I told them to direct them to a different house first,” you say back, pointing at the incorrect house. “That’s where they’re going to look for us. It’ll buy us some time out.”

Bucky nods and as the military men, with their loaded guns, approach the other house, you and Bucky use the shadows to navigate your way undetected back to your home. Once you’re back in the house, you quickly prepare to take off. Bucky grabs his backpack and changed into clothes with more body armor and you do the same. 

“I’m glad I finally get to do this,” you say, walking into the kitchen. You call for Bucky to join you and he makes his way into the kitchen as well. You turn the knobs of your stove in the correct order and the stove pushes itself back, revealing stone stairs leading downwards. 

“There’s a boat at the end of this staircase that we can take to the nearest city. We’ll fly out once we get to one of my identity stashes,” you and Bucky walk down the stairs. An explosion sounds make you stumble slightly and you both pick up your pace.

Bullets start blazing around you and Bucky, shooting you straight through the chest. The wound heals up quick enough for you to grab Bucky and sprint. Bucky pulls out his gun and tries to take out as many men as he can while running besides you.

“Down here!” The men yell, making their way quickly to catch up to you.

You and Bucky run like hell to the boat, that was docked rather nicely on the water. An array of men start coming in from the other direction so you pull out your gun and start shooting. You can only take out so many men but there were still more coming.

You manage to make it to the boat and frantically turn it on, all while Bucky is still on the beach, taking down as many men as he can. 

“Just come back to us, Winter Soldier,” a voice calls out. “We won’t hurt your little girl if you do.”

You sprint out and start shooting towards the sound of the voice, “Don’t listen to him, Buck. We’ll make it out of this.”

Bucky is fighting off men while you use every ounce of ammo you have to keep the boat intact. 

“You won’t win, just give yourself up and we’ll let your girl go.” The voice says. 

You scream back, “Shut up! Bucky, come on, get into the boat, we’re leaving.”

More men coming running down to him and you try to shoot them but you’re out of bullets. You try to get out of the boat and run to help Bucky but his voice stops you.

“Go Y/N, please,” Bucky shouts to you. “Let them take me.”

“Bucky! I’m not going to leave you,” you start climbing out but his voice keeps stopping you.

“You have to,” Bucky stops fighting and gets onto the ground. 

“Bucky, no,” you lean over the edge of the boat. The gunfire has ceased and the men are dragging him away.

“I would listen to him if I were you,” you can see a red light hit your chest. A sniper was near and they were set on you. “I’m going to give you five seconds to drive away.”

The man starts to count down and you cry, “I’ll find you Bucky. I promise.”

In the darkness, you can see Bucky smile but you can also see a teardrop slide down his face. When the man hits the number one, you sprint to the controls and drive away. Bucky smiled because he knew you would come for him and that you loved him. But he cried because he knew he would be going back to hurting people and that he knew he would never be able to escape.

It was difficult to drive away, not just because of the tears streaming down your face or the salty sea air burning your eyes. You were taken away from Bucky once again. 

And this would be the last time.

You pull out your phone and you make a call.

“I need your help,” you say into the phone. “They’ve got him.”

“I’ll be in Milan at dawn,” Steve says. 

You end the call and toss the phone into the ocean. Pushing the acceleration, you were determined to get there as fast as you could. 

Bucky needed you and you were going to get him back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww, another cliffhanger :( y u do dis to me? It's okay though! This one is a little gentler than the last (I'm hoping?). The story is progressing pretty well, though I will say I think the end of this fic is near. Do comment and tell me if I should add bits and pieces from Captain America: Civil War to the rest of my fic! (Finally saw it and lemme just say WOW) I don't want to spoil anything so I'd love the feedback to what you guys would like. In the meantime, hope you enjoyed and get ready for another update in due time! <3


	15. Chapter 15

“So what's the plan here?” Sam paces around the old motel room they had booked. “We can't just walk into Hydra and be like ‘you got a friend of ours, give him back’.”

You get up from the bed, rubbing your tired eyes. You had been driving that boat all night and finally got to the motel a few hours ago. You look around the room at the many different hard drives and laptops you had Sam sneak away from Stark Industries. Thank the heavens for that “friend” of his. 

“So I'm guessing that means we have a hit on a location?” You walk over to browse the information on the computers.

“It's not much, but we’ve narrowed down the locations these three,” Steve points at his tablet. 

You laugh slightly as Steve tries to expand the screen but sadly fails, “damn grandpa, finally learned how to use the Internet?”

“Shut up Y/N,” Steve scoffs and manages to zoom in. “There, we have hits in Hong Kong, Korea and Japan.” 

“Where did they bust his watch?” You look down at your ring finger, where the ring is missing. You had to toss the ring or they could use the watch to find you. Once they realized you weren't somewhere in the middle of the ocean, they destroyed Bucky’s watch. 

“Somewhere over the Pacific Ocean,” Sam says, scrolling through his own tablet. “It's too hard to say where they were closest, so our best bet is to check every hit.”

“We can't do that,” you sigh. “They probably have men at every site and if we choose the wrong one, they’ll put him somewhere else.”

“So this is really a one-shot kind of thing, huh?” 

You nod and lay back down on the bed, “the only good news is that they really don't want to move him. So wherever they are now, they want to stay there, so our window of opportunity is fairly high. It's just the longer we wait…”

“The longer we let them do whatever they want with Bucky,” Steve sits down next to you and leans his head against the wall. 

“We’ll get him back. How long do you think we have, Y/N?” Sam comes up and stands by the bed. “I may not know the guy very well, but he means a lot to you guys and that's enough for me.”

“Thanks Sam,” you smile a little bit. It was refreshing to know that more than just two people in the world care about Bucky’s well-being. “Hydra can't do too much damage right now. Bucky can probably hold out for another week or two. But after that, we really don't know what he’s capable of doing.”

“So we have a week to figure out where he is and how to get him back,” Steve rubs his growing beard and then quickly looks at you. “Sorry, I'm doing it again.”

“It's fine Steve,” you playfully poke his face. “I know you forget to shave when you’re worried.”

“It's a stress-scruff,” Sam jokes. “Captain America problems, always gotta keep that perfect white-boy complexion.” 

“Oh shut the fuck up Sam,” Steve motions Sam away with his hand.

“Uh, language!” You snap back. 

Steve glares back at you and you and Sam start throwing a laughing fit. You lean over and high-five Sam. 

“Wait-how do you guys know about that?” 

Sam pulls up an audio file and plays it, “man, you really don't get how easy it is to find stuff that Tony wants people to find on his database. This was practically the front page.”

“I was hacking into the Stark database-for reasons that aren't your concern right now-and I saw this just sticking out and had to listen,” you pat Steve on the back. “Good stuff.”

“Also, when did you guys become such good friends?” Steve gestures to the two of you and you look up at Sam.

“Who do you think taught him how to hack?” You proudly point at yourself. 

“Yeah that audio clip was my first assignment and we’ve been friends ever since,” Sam gives you another high five. “It’s like making fun of you brought us closer together.”

“Can we please get back to business?”

Steve’s face was turning incredibly red, so much so that his beard couldn't hide it. 

You lay your hands on your face and start thinking. You hadn't escaped from Hydra very long ago. They couldn't have changed their habits too much.  

“Sam, look up big events going on in major cities in those countries,” you take Steve’s tablet out of his lap and start diving your way into the dark web, asking your fellow friends if they heard about anything happening on the down-low in Asia.

“I got nothing Y/N,” Sam shows you a page. “This is the biggest hit, but I don't think Conan O’Brien traveling to Korea is what Hydra is targeting.”

“Who is-never mind,” Steve shakes his head. “I remember him, you made me watch his show when we couldn't sleep.”

“Damn, I forgot how cozy you two were,” Sam makes the ‘mhmmm’ sound and now it's your turn to glare.

“I make all my patients do my daily routine, don't judge my love for television.” 

“Whatever you say,” Sam smirks. “But yeah, I got nothing.”

You look back at your tablet and start mad-scrolling through the thread you just created, “I think I’ve got something. It looks like a huge drug-trafficking scheme is underway in Japan. Shit…”

“What is it?” Steve glances over your shoulder. “Why does Hydra want street drugs?”

“There’s new drugs on the market. Apparently they cause a light-headed effect that can last for days and a willingness to comply to orders,” you shiver, reading through some of the disgusting things on the thread. “It's essentially a more effective date-rape drug.”

“They're going to use it to keep Bucky under their control.” Steve rub your shoulders to comfort you, “Don't worry, we’ll get to these drugs before they do.”

“Since it’s accuracy rates are so reliable, they are only distributed to big buyers at a high-end drug and weapons auction, held at a secret location in the Japanese countryside in three days,” you pull out your new phone and start messaging your sources in Japan and see if you can get into this event. “I’m also certain Bucky will be there. He won't be Bucky, but he’ll be there with a couple Hydra goons.”

“They probably aren't there to bid either.” Sam grabs your tablet and looks through the auction’s preview listings, “There's a lot of high-tech weaponry on here. They’re going to steal as much as they can.”

“We’re in,” you show Steve and Sam your phone. “I am the head of a company who specializes in blueprints for weapons of mass destruction. I am attending to auction off some of my work. Steve, you’re my bodyguard. Sam, you’ll be our driver, aka getaway.”

“Shouldn't we have different names or something?” Steve tries to catch whatever you're texting your friend but he can't understand the language you were using. 

“These events are strictly known but unknown personnel only. Anonymity is important,” you confirm the invitation and receive the location, a farmhouse somewhere in the outskirts of Fukawa, Japan. “Which works to our advantage. Also, Steve’s beard helps.”

“Thanks,” Steve touches his face again. “I think I might keep it.”

“Sure you are prettyboy.” Sam rebuffs. “Don't you come crying to me for shaving cream in the middle of the night again.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Steve pulls himself up. “So we have three days to get some gear then we’ll go get Bucky.”

“Wait, have we even considered the possibility that Hydra might not even be there? This drug might just phase right by them,” Sam puts the tablet down and looks away. “Those accurate rates are pretty disgusting though.”

“If they don't come, I think it's for the good of all people that we take down the people responsible for that drug or at least get a sample so I can reverse engineer an antidote.” 

“Good call. Plus we’ll still have another few days to find Bucky if we strike out,” Steve walks over to the window and looks outside. “We should leave soon. The sun is rising.”

“I’ll sleep on the plane then,” you get up and stretch, which soothes your aching muscles. 

Looking back at things, you were glad to have friends like Steve and Sam. Where were they all your life? You had been so alone throughout your life, no friends, no family. That's probably why Hydra got to you so easily because no one went looking for you when you dropped off the face of the Earth. But now you have two really great friends, one of which risked his reputation to save you and another who just stole from one of the richest men alive for you. You didn't want them in this fight, but maybe that's a good thing. It meant you cared for them, not just as another patient, but as a friend too. There's no two people you'd rather have by your side getting Bucky back than them.


	16. Chapter 16

“Are you guys ready for this?” You adjust Steve’s tie and gently graze his beard. “You know, maybe this look isn't half bad.”

Steve whispers so Sam can't hear, “help me, Sam hid my razor.”

“What was that I hear?” Sam walks over to you two and you try to bite away your laugh.

“Nothing Sam, just discussing the plan.” You wink at Steve and glance over at your bag, which has a razor you secretly stashed for this very moment.

Steve mouths the words ‘thank you’ at you and smiles. You brush off any dust on his suit and hand him his shades. You turn to Sam and pat him on the shoulders, smoothing out his suit. He puts on his glasses, making him look a lot wiser than he really is.

“I know what you're thinking, Y/N,” Sam stares menacingly at you. “You’re thinking that these glasses make me look smarter than I actually am.”

“Your words, not mine,” you grin. “They are nice though, great choice. X-ray vision?”

“Yep, I should be able to alert you guys from outside of the auction,” Sam taps his ear and hands you and Steve your ear pieces.

Steve checks his watch, “come on, we need go head out in a couple in order to be ‘fashionably late’.”

“Alright, alright,” you grab your dress, which was hidden in a bag. “I’ll be right back boys.” 

You head into the bathroom and shut the door. Looking in the mirror, you quick tousle your hair and style it as classy as you can. With a quick swipe of some red rouge and subtle eye makeup, you were ready to try on your dress. Your contact in Japan had sent you this dress, saying it was exactly what people wore at these events. You were a little scare to see it because you had no point of reference but you were here so whatever it was, you had to wear it. 

Unzipping the bag, you pull out the dress. It was stunning. You were almost certain this dress was worth more than your entire bank account, which is saying a lot since you had just been wired money from a couple of old patients. It fit a little too perfectly, which gave you a strange impression. Your contact must've raided your closet when she was a patient of yours, go figure. Now she headed one of the largest law firms in Japan, without even being present. She was regular donator to your services, since you saved her from death by a massive drugging from her competition. Ever since, she let her competition believe she was dead and she runs her company in the shadows. She was a great contact on how to lay low and going undercover. 

“I think I’m wearing real gold,” you feel the fabric against your hand. “So this is what the high-end, not hiding in your apartment 24/7, life entails.”

You step out of the bathroom and are met by strong stares from Sam and Steve.

“Damn,” they say simultaneously. 

You walk in between them, letting them check you out fully. You toss your hair back a little and bat your eyelashes at them. Throwing on your heels and strapping a gun to your leg (while also flashing some skin), you ask, “Well boys, what do you think?”

“I’d let you sneak into my auction any day,” Sam whistles. “If you know what I mean.”

You lightly shove Sam and laugh. You take Sam’s hand and he helps you do a light twirl, landing yourself in front of Steve. Steve’s eyes cannot leave you; he’s absolutely mesmerized.

“You look good Y/N,” Steve says shyly, trying his hardest to evade your gaze. “Really good.”

“Enough about me,” you sit down on the bed, crossing your legs. “Let’s go over the plan again.”

“Steve will escort you in,” Sam starts to explain. “Then, I will be searching for Bucky from the outside and I’ll alert you guys when I find him. After that, you’ll distract the Hydra goons and once they’re a good enough ways away from Bucky, I’ll kill the power and Steve will get him out of there.”

“Are you sure they won’t recognize me?” You put on one of S.H.I.E.L.D’s disguising masks, which tingles against your face as it changes the contours of your skin and your features. “How do I look?”

“Who the hell are you and where is Y/N???” Sam pats you on the shoulder. “No one will know who you are, trust me. Though I will say, you look a lot better in that dress than whoever’s face we stole.”

“She’s a Japanese collector who happened to have collected old Stark Industries blueprints,” you feel your face. “She’s currently somewhere in the bottom of the ocean, but no one needs to know that.”

“Well you’ll fit right in then,” Steve says. “Should I wear one too?”

“You should be fine. This woman is notorious for her many sexual partners. And no one will believe Captain America grew a beard.”

“Alright, enough with the beard!” Steve scratches it and glares at you and Sam.

“Let's head out gang,” Sam opens the door for you and Steve. “We’ve got a friend to save.”

You were coming for him, whether he liked it or not. There was always the possibility that the plan won't work and that Bucky will get sucked back into Hydra’s schemes. There's a possibility he isn't there at all. But there was a possibility he was there and he could be saved. And you were taking that chance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me so long to update! I actually had these chapters written for a while but I just forgot to post them. (Currently on vacation so can only write so much!)

“Alright, we’re in Sam,” Steve says to you, making it look like you both are talking to each other.

The atmosphere of the place feels so...calm and lively. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. There were beautiful women in nice dresses handing out drinks and good looking men in nice suits asks for jobs. Those jobs, however, aren't very nice. It looks like this auction isn't just a place for buying high-end drugs or weapons; it’s also a place to enlist mercenaries. Steve takes your hand and leads you upstairs, so you both could look around the crowd easier. A woman hands you and Steve drinks, which you humbly accept. 

You fake a yawn and pop two pills in your mouth, swallowing one of them. Keeping the other under your tongue, you take a sip of the wine and pull Steve down to you, kissing him. You pull his hands over you and then move your hands to his face, holding the kiss tightly. When you’re sure the pill has slipped into his system, your lips part from his, smiling. 

“The wine’s pretty good, you should drink it,” you wink at him and walk slowly down the corridor. Steve quickly takes a sip of his drink and follows you to the balcony. 

“Antidote?” He whispers into your ear as you lean over the side of the balcony, looking at the botanical garden in the back of the building.

“Once that's in your system, we should be shielded from any type of poison for the next hour,” you whisper back, moving closer to him. “Sorry about that.”

Steve holds you in front of him, his arms wrapped around you tightly, “nothing to be sorry about. Nothing we haven't done before.”

You scoff and shove him lightly, “you know Sam can hear us.”

“I know and damn,” Sam says in your ear piece. “I better get the scoop when we get back.”

“If you're lucky,” you say back. “Anything new?”

“Nope, it seems like our Hydra buddies haven't arrived yet. Try looking around inside, maybe they’ve cloaked themselves from any sensors.” 

“On it,” Steve replies, taking your hand and leading you back into the mansion. 

You turn to Steve and gently let his hand go, “I need to use the lady’s room real quick. Go look around and meet me there.”

“Alright,” Steve kisses you on the forehead. “Be safe.”

You smile and walk back down the corridor, turning the corner. You can see Steve make his way downstairs, probably hoping to find Bucky in the crowd of people dancing before the auction. The lady’s room is gigantic in this mansion and there were multiple ones. It looked like you found the best one though, because each stall had a full bathroom set, fully equipped with a shower and even a bathtub. You wanted nothing more to lay down and take a warm bubble bath but you know you don't have that luxury. You powder your nose and look at your face, which wasn't your face. It was weird, seeing someone else’s face where your face is. You lightly touch your face, feeling a little weird, like you were touching someone else without them knowing. You redo your rouge because your kiss with Steve had wore out the color a little. 

You sigh and smile, trying to rebuild your confidence. Doing undercover work was always the most tiring part. It was hiding in plain sight, and you were only really good at the hiding part when it meant never leaving your home. You open the door to the outside and bump straight into someone. 

“Are you alright miss?” You freeze. That voice. You glance up to see a familiar face, their arms holding you up from your almost fall. Bucky…

You look straight up into his eyes and you realize he doesn't recognize you. He thinks you’re just another person from the party. Bucky was suited up, his long hair pulled back in a very sophisticated style. He didn't feel like the Bucky you knew though. He helps you back onto your feet. 

“You should really look where you're going-” Bucky’s eyes look over your shoulder and they freeze, just like yours had before. You glance behind you quickly and see Steve, who had two glasses of wine in his hand. They had their eyes locked on each other. Bucky knew it was Steve. Steve knew it was Bucky. But which Bucky was here right now?

Bucky’s body lunges forward, fists first but you stop him with your hands. One hand holds his chest in place and the other covers his fist, locking him where he is. You glance over Bucky’s shoulder and see a swarm of armed men coming up the stairs.

“Guys, you better get out of there, I don't think this was really an auction,” Sam says into your earpiece. 

“I realize that now,” you say, looking at Bucky. “They’re here for me. They knew I'd come for him.”

Bucky breaks out of your grip and starts throwing punches at you. You manage to swiftly dodge each one, throwing a blow straight into his chest. 

“Bucky, listen to me,” you move out of the way as he throws a chair at you. “You need to snap out of their control.”

You glance over at Steve, who looks like he's doing alright so you continue to work on getting Bucky out of the trance. He charges towards you, throwing his metal fist right for your face. His hand nearly grazes your face but you duck and kick at his ankles, making him fall over. You get on top of him, pinning him down with your legs. He tries to throw punches at you but your arms shield your body. These bruises were going to hurt in the morning. Right when you have him in your grips, you wrap his arms together with one of yours and you lock eyes with him.

“Bucky, it’s me,” you use your free hand to pull off the mask, revealing your face. “It’s Y/N. Come on, come back to me.”

Bucky looks at you. But does he really see you? 

“I know who you are,” Bucky breathes out. In the next second, your body slams against the floor and he holds you down by the throat. “You’re my mission.”

You try with all your strength to get him off your throat but you knew you didn't have the strength to do it. You were going to pass out and Bucky was going to take you back to that hell. You knew he didn't want to but he didn't have a choice. He had to listen to what they told him to do. You shake and try to scream but his hand around your throat restricts you from saying anything. With a sudden jerk, Bucky’s hand is practically yanked off your throat and you're pulled up by Steve.

“Are you alright?” Steve says, looking at your bruises.

“I’ll be fine,” you look over at Bucky, you know what you have to do. “Leave him to me. Just get back to Sam and be ready to leave. Trust me, okay?”

Steve nods, “make it out alive, and with him.”

“I will,” you turn to face Bucky as Steve makes his way to the car. 

Bucky slowly gets off from the ground, spitting blood into the corner. He wipes his mouth with his hand and puts his fists up. He was ready for a fight. You pull out your earpiece and toss it on the floor, crushing it under your heel. If only he knew what was coming for him. 

“Bucky,” you raise your fists. “I don't want to do this.”

He swings first, missing you by a hair as you move to the side. 

“It's me, Bucky,” you say, still hopeful you can break him out with your words, and not theirs. “Remember me?”

He throws another punch at you, this time trying to hit you in the side. You grab his fist right before it makes its impact, gripping it in your hand. You can feel him shaking, or maybe that was you. His other hand tries to go for your face but you grab this fist with your hand too. 

“Please Bucky,” you beg, holding him steady. “Come back to me.”

He tries to pull out of your grip but you’re much stronger than you let out. In a fit of rage, he yells, “I'm not yours.”

You hold back your tears, “but you are. You’re my Bucky.”

“I don't even know who you are,” he growls back. Every word that slipped from his mouth was like another knife stabbing straight into your heart. This wasn't the Bucky you knew. This was the Bucky they kept inside of him, harboring rage and secret agendas. This was the Bucky they wanted to save all those years. This wasn't the Bucky you knew. 

When you decide it's time, you say your final words to this Bucky, “I want you to know that I don't want to do this. But you leave me no choice.”

You push on his fists hard, making Bucky stumble back. The words coming out of your mouth were all in Russian. 

“Longing,” you can feel him shake in your hands. Sweats beads down from his face. You knew what happened to his body when he heard the words. 

You hold him steady, “rusted.”

He starts to scream and you try not to look at him. You couldn't bare seeing him in pain, especially knowing that you're causing it. 

You bite your lip after breathing out, “seventeen.”

His knees fail him and he falls to the floor, your hands still gripping his shaking fists. You couldn't let him go, you know you couldn't. But you wanted to, so badly, just so you could hold him and tell him it was going to be okay soon. But how much of that was the truth?

“Daybreak,” you get down to his level and watch him whimper to himself. “Furnace.”

The hands that are balled up into fists slowly loosen in your palms. He was degrading. His body couldn't take it, the memories of the conditioning. Every time these words were spoken, Bucky dies a little bit inside. Your stomach churned and you felt like throwing up at the horrors you were causing. 

“Nine,” you could feel the tears trying to escape your eyes. “Benign.”

His body slumps down in front of you, and begins to convulse. It looked like someone was sending electric shocks through his body. The screaming, you’ve never forgot the screaming. It's almost over. He won't suffer much longer. 

“Homecoming,” you place a kiss on his forehead. “One.”

You press your forehead against his and a single tear drops from your eye, “freight car.”

The words that spill from his lips make you bite back a sob, “ready to comply.” 

Through your tears, you say, “soldier, get me out of here alive and once you do, go to sleep and wake up as your normal self.”

Bucky lifts you up into his arms and runs towards the exit, fighting whoever came in his way. All the while, you're laying there, being held in his cold arms and you can't shake the horrible feeling surging through your body. Were you no worse than them now? You had never had to resort to such tactics before… You look up at the hollow shell of Bucky you created and your heart sinks. You did this. You stripped Bucky of his freedom in order to free him. How could you say you were any better than them? You used him the same way they used him. Even if you say it was for him, they could say the same. They had kept him alive all these years and you were trying to do the same. You were nothing better than the people who hurt him. 

Sam’s car rolls up into the front of the mansion and Bucky helps you in and then takes a seat next to you. Right as Sam’s car goes from a convertible to an aircraft, Bucky goes straight into sleep and you turn away from him, sobbing.

“So how did you manage to get Bucky out of there?” Steve asks over his shoulder.

You try your best to hide your pain, “he remembered me.”

“That’s good to hear.” Steve knew you were lying, but he played along with it anyways. “So we’re sticking with the original escape plan?”

“Yeah,” you say. “You know where to drop us off Sam.”

“Will do,” Sam turns the plane towards the final destination.

You wanted so badly to sleep but you knew you couldn’t. You knew when Bucky woke up, he’d remember what you had done. He always remembers. 

How could you live with yourself, knowing what you had just done? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! What have you done! What will you do! What a turn of events! -inserts dramatic music- what will happen next? Stay tuned to find out!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW has it really been almost two months?? I'm so sorry for the lack of updating! I was in a real mental block with this story but now I've found my mojo again <3 Sorry that this update is sort of small ;A; I'm still fixing up the following chapters to tailor to the new direction I've decided to take this fic in! But enjoy the update, it's a real kicker!

“Just call me if you need anything,” Steve hugs you. “I’ll come running.”

“ _ We’ll _ come running, you mean,” Sam comes up to you and you hug him too. “It was nice seeing you again Y/N. We’ll get together again soon, hopefully under better circumstances.”

“Thanks,” you smile at them. “For always being there for me.”

You kiss them both on the cheek and they wave goodbye, leaving you and Bucky in your new apartment. This time, you were located somewhere in Switzerland. The building was across the street from a large open marketplace so you would never need to be outside for long periods of time anymore. All the things you would normally buy online could be bought there and you decided it was for the best to just work with what you had in the apartment. As much as you wanted new things for Bucky to explore, there were other things to worry about. 

Bucky lays on your bed, sleeping away. The apartment was much smaller than your previous Italian villa. It only had one bedroom with a connecting bathroom, a living space and a kitchen. All the essentials, you suppose. You watch Bucky as he sleeps, making sure he sleeps soundly. How long has it been since you slept? You couldn't sleep. You rub your eyes and glance over at the mirror. 

“I look like shit,” you poke at your dark circles then look back at Bucky. “Well, I kind of  _ am _ shit.”

How were you going to explain yourself? What was there even to explain? You couldn't shake the uneasiness in your stomach or the sharp pain in your heart. What you had done, it was what was needed to be done. But you could've tried harder to break him out of it. But what other choice would you have had if your words didn't work? But...but...you hunch over, the pain increases. How could you even face him, knowing the pain you cause? You weren't sure if you were ready to give him an explanation or if you had a valid one to begin with.

It has been two days since you both got there and he was still asleep. His breathing and heart rate were normal so it must be over-exhaustion. What had they done to him? You fear the answer to that question. It was noon and the market was crowded so you decide to take a walk and grab some things while you’re there. 

The cold breeze really helped. The longer Bucky stayed asleep, the more time you had to worry about what to do when he woke up. You still haven't figured out what to say. You yawn as you purchase some plums and a handful of other fruits for the apartment. The lady asks you if you’re tired and you say yes. You were very tired. You haven't slept in days. Hot tea was what was keeping you alive. That and the strong pain in your stomach that won't go away no matter how many painkillers you take. You knew your limitations. The days were blurring together and you knew the exhaustion would hit you soon. But you couldn't get yourself to sleep. You fear that if you do, when you wake up, Bucky will be gone. You couldn't let him leave you without an explanation on your part. You didn't want him to leave you, hating you. 

You lightly punch your stomach and slap your face to keep yourself in check as you walk up the stairs to the apartment. How many times have you fumbled trying to get the key in the lock? You couldn't think straight anymore, you were just too tired. When you finally get the door open, you practically drop onto the floor, slipping the fruit. Your body couldn't take it. The fatigue, the lack of nutrition, the state of your mental health, you were deteriorating. The floor felt nice. So nice. You could just sleep right there. Sleep…sleep sounded good. You should sleep. You should…

“Y/N,” a voice calls out. You try to look up towards the voice but your body won't let you move. It feels like you’re frozen in place, unable to do anything. 

A strong pair of arms lifts you up and against their chest. It was a familiar chest. The door slams shut and the arms hold you closely, rocking you back and forth. Why was he holding you? You...you don't deserve to be held.

“How long has it been?” Bucky moves your face towards his. He could see your eye bags, he was staring right at them. 

“I don't really know,” you can barely breathe out. “A while.”

“Why?” He says, his voice is hurt. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I couldn't let them take you,” you use your last bit of energy to shake your head. “Not again, not again.”

“You knew about it all this time,” he chokes back his words. Your arms couldn't move or you'd reach up to caress his face. All you wanted to do was comfort him. “You knew him, the one they keep locked away.”

“Yes,” your eyes start to droop. Your voice breaks and the words fall out in strings, “I've always known.”

Your treatment was to try and better the Bucky he was, while subconsciously trying to remove the other guy. The one Hydra had conditioned into him. But you realized that helping Bucky be himself again wasn't enough to free him of the other him. 

“Were you there, when they started the Winter Soldier program?” His voice, you can barely hear it. It's so quiet. You couldn't focus on him anymore. Your mind was shutting down. The exhaustion was unbearable. 

You nod your head slowly, though it doesn't feel like a nod, more like your head failing to stay up anymore, “I tried to save you...but I...they...to...me…”

You wish you could've known what happened the next few seconds, but all you remember is blacking out. Your body needed sleep and you had to give it rest. You just had to rest. 

When your eyes finally open again, you're in bed. The sun was out, it was morning. You turn to look at your side, no Bucky. You jolt up, frantically looking around. Where is he? You push the blanket off of you and get up, nearly fumbling straight into the floor. You catch yourself before you do and run straight for the bedroom door. Don't go. Please, don't go. Has he gone? You grab the doorknob and pull the door open, nearly breaking off the handle. You turn into the hallway and look.

Not there. 

You step slowly into the living room, constantly looking back and forth. He couldn't have been hiding. The apartment wasn't big enough for him to hide. Your eyes start to water; it was beyond your control now. You reach up to feel the tears drip from your still tired eyes. How long have you been asleep? Your body falls to the ground yet again, this time not from exhaustion, but from the sudden loss you felt. You lay down on the floor and curl up, holding your knees against your chest. He was gone. The love of your life, your Bucky, he was gone. 

You knew you couldn't run from your past forever. You just wanted more time. That, you realize, was never a luxury you got to have. You had run out of time, like you always had. You had lost yet again. This time, it hurt a lot more though. 

You whimper to yourself, trying to fight back the sobs but you can't seem to control your body anymore, “not again.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a continuation of Chapter 9 (in case anyone wants to reread it for plot purposes!). You get a little insight on your past. It's a fairly interesting one!

_ Years ago... _

You jolted awake. Your eyes look around for anything familiar but you knew you weren't in a place where you knew anything. The restraints holding you to the metal pipe in the room hurt your wrists and ankles. Had you been pulling them in your sleep? Also, why were you restrained? You tug at the restraints again and let out a huge yelp when the metal digs into your skin.

You slowly maneuver your skin out of the metal and look at the small but deep cut in your wrist. That went away in seconds. You blink. You blink again. What. You pull your wrist as close as you can to your face so you can examine it closely. It's gone. There was just a bleeding cut and now, nothing. Just a blood stain. You look back at your wrists and see some bruising left from you tugging on the restraints. What does this mean? 

“Only one way to find out,” you find the loose piece of sharp metal and sigh. “Either this works and I heal myself or this doesn't work and I bleed to death.”

You shrug and look around at the empty cell, you now see that you’re in some sort of makeshift prison. There was no one guarding the door, which you thought was strange. Maybe you weren't a threat? Go figure. But if you could do this thing that you just witness, you were an asset they needed. They want you alive and you can't let them have you.

“Here goes nothing,” you bite your lip and jab the sharp metal straight into your wrist again. You taste the blood from your cut lip in your mouth, “SHIT!”

You tug your wrist off the metal as fast as you can and wince. Again, in seconds, the wound fades. You look closely at it heal itself. It must be something about the exposure to oxygen and something in your blood that makes it heal this rapidly, that's why your bruises don't heal as quickly. All this medical knowledge actually did come in handy, thank god you're an M.D. Why did you ever try for a Ph.D? Look at the mess you’ve gotten yourself into...

“Great, I get magic healing skin, but I don't get a higher pain tolerance?” You lean your head back against the cold wall. “Just great.”

“Hey, would you shut it in there?” A voice whispers to you and you glance around. What was that? You couldn't possibly hear anyone, especially not a whisper, through these thick stone walls. 

“Who-” you lower your voice to a whisper. “Who are you and how can I hear you?”

“I think you’ve got it easy, sister,” the voice says back. “You can hear me, only when I want you to. I had to listen to your goddamn thoughts ramble on until you finally woke up.”

“What do you mean you can hear my thoughts?” You whisper aloud again. 

“Try me,” the voice says back and you realize the voice is coming from inside your head. 

You think,  _ how the hell can this guy hear my thoughts? _

“I’ve been trying to figure that out myself,” the voice responds. “But Hydra doesn't really give you a step-by-step guide on how they create their freaks.”

_ So do they know about your powers? _ You think to yourself, hoping he can hear you.  _ I’m Y/N, by the way. _

“Yeah, yeah, I know your name. You're practically all those Hydra goons talk about nowadays,” the voice replies. “I’m Miguel and no, but they’ll figure it out soon enough. That's why we need to get out of here.”

_ We? Are you insane? There's no way the two of us- _

“Who says it's just the two of us?” Miguel says back. “I'm going to try something, this might sting a little.”

_ Wait what- _ OUCH. You literally get hit in the face with information. Miguel sends (mentally communicates?) to you several tidbits of information about the other enhanced individuals that will be helping you and him escape, along with a plan. Which wasn't half bad at all, it was really well thought out.

“Thank you,” Miguel replies to your thought. “I made it myself.”

_ Why do you want to help me? _ You ask. It was a strange thought but you didn't really have anything to give. It didn't seem like your magic healing skin thing was transferable, so you weren't really a good asset. 

“Because you're the only one who has the knowledge to help the rest of us freaks adjust,” Miguel hits you with more information, things he learned from listening into the head honchos of Hydra. “You see all this medical information? I don't know what the hell any of that says and how any of it helps us, but you do. You might be able to cure us, or at least make our conditions livable.”

That was a valid point. You did understand the information he just hit you with, though it would take you a bit of time to process. This whole “sharing information” thing seemed to be like a storage box. You could access the shared information when you needed to, without having to store it in your brain. It was intriguing. 

“Hey lady, we really don't have time for you to geek out over my weird ass powers,” he replies. “Stick with the plan. They’re coming to get you in less than a minute to try and test something on you. From what I hear, it’s some sort of mental conditioning. You need to fight back, you can't let them take your mind. We need you. We’re going to kill the power and get you out of there, you just need to survive until then. Then it's time to head out.”

_ Alright, I can do that. Right?  _ You take in a couple deep breaths and prep yourself for what you’re about to go through. They were going to try to brainwash you and you weren't going to let them. Escape, that's all that's on your mind. You need to get out of here, away from Hydra. You had to run and hide from them. You had no other options. 

“Don't worry about hiding. I've got safe houses, thanks to a couple mental bribes I made. Focus on staying alive and we’ll do the rest. I’ll check in soon,” Miguel’s presence disappears and you don't  _ feel _ him in your head anymore. It was a very strange feeling, having someone else in your head. But it wasn't unpleasant, maybe because Miguel was a kind person. You shiver at the thought of someone unpleasant in your head, not being able to get them out. 

The door in your cell swings open and three armed men come in, while one in a white lab coat also walks in.

“Free her and bring her with us,” the man in the lab coat says. 

One of the armed men comes up and unlocks your restraints. You immediately go for his throat and attempt to claw out some flesh but are quickly grabbed and restrained again by the other two men, this time with handcuffs. 

“I didn't know you were such a fighter, Y/N,” the man comes up to you and touches your face in the most uncomfortable way ever. “Maybe we’ll get more uses out of you than we thought.”

You try to bite his hand but he pulls away before you get the chance to. You weren't going down without a fight. You weren't going to let them take away your mind. 

They escort you down a long hallway until you reach a door, which is promptly opened with a keycard. 

“How’s everything going?” Miguel’s voice pops in your head and you nearly scream but you bite your lip before you do. “Sorry, Jesus, should've warned you.”

_ It's alright. I’m alright, how are things on your end? _

“We should have the power out in a few minutes, just keep them occupied until then,” Miguel says. 

_ Thank you _ . You smile, or well, you smile in your head, to which you can feel Miguel also sending you a mental smile. You’re really never going to get used to this whole sharing your mind thing. 

“You’ll know when to get out of there,” Miguel reassures you. “And you know the way. See you on the other side pal, keep doing what you're doing.” 

His presence fades again and you focus your energy back to what's going on in front of you. Luckily, they’ve just been opening a ton of doors. Doors which you know about because of the plans locked in your brain. They’ll all be open and unlocked for thirty seconds after the power shuts down which gives you that much time to run through all of them. Just enough time. 

“And here we are,” the man in the lab coat gestures to a chair with restraints. “You’re going to have to sit over there for me.”

You listen, more because you have a gun to your back not because you want to. The men strap you in again and the glass in front of you opens. There, sitting in the chair across from you, is James Buchanan Barnes. The man you had saved, the Winter Soldier. His eyes were filled with rage and he nearly bolted out of his seat from just looking at the Hydra goons by your side. His restraints were much more restrictive than your own. 

“We’re going to do what we did to him, to you,” the man in the lab coat says with a menacing grin.

“I’m not going to let you do anything to me,” you growl back. 

“Oh, you will comply,” the man gestures to the armed men and one of them presses a gun to your head.

“Do you think I'm afraid of death?” You press your head against the barrel of the gun. “Pull the trigger, old man. I’ll die before I give you anything.”

“You’re right,” the man gestures again and the gun moves away from your head. “I’m not going to kill you but I can make you listen.”

“Good luck,” you spit in his direction. “I’d like to see you try.”

“I thought you’d never ask,” he pulls a blade from out of his coat and walks up to you, placing it against your skin. It was extremely cold and you shiver against it. “Afraid? I know about your ‘powers’. You should be happy we aren't dissecting you.”

“You wouldn't be able to,” you snap back. “Rapid healing much?”

_ Come on Miguel, how much longer? _ You fidget in your seat as the blade moves slowly against your skin.

“I'd hate to cut up this pretty little skin of yours,” the blade stops at your palm. “But I know it’ll heal back so…”

The blade stabs straight through your hand and you scream louder than you’ve ever screamed in your entire life. He pulls the blade out and the wound seals up immediately. That hurt, big time. You were already sweating buckets. The shock surging through your body was enough to keep you shaking in your seat. You would spiral into insanity if this went on.

“And that's what happens when you don't listen,” the blade touches your palm lightly and you flinch. “Now, tell me what I want to hear. Tell me that you’ll comply.”

Tears start to drip from your eyes as the blade slowly digs into your skin. When it gets too deep for you to handle anymore you scream, “enough!”

The blade is pulled out of your skin and the wound heals over fast again. You couldn't take the pain anymore. But you couldn't let them turn you into a Winter Soldier. You couldn't let them control you.

You slump in your seat, your hands in fists now, “Torture me all you want, I’ll never comply.”

_ Miguel, are you there? I need your help with something. _

“Yeah I'm here. The power will be off in a minute or two,” he says with a hopeful voice. 

_ I need you to get into this jackass’s head and get me all he knows about the Winter Soldier, James Buchanan Barnes, fast. _

“I got it, give me a second.”

_ Thanks. _ Miguel suddenly disappears from your mind just as two blades stab straight into your palms and you can feel yourself fade away. The pain nearly made you black out but the blades were pulled out before you could. You stayed awake for the pain, of course you did. Like they’d let you sleep through it.

“Found them,” Miguel’s voice pops in your head but you prepared yourself for the sudden intrusion. “Sending your way now.”

You look through the information he sent you as quickly as you can. These words? That's what they used to activate the Winter Soldier. The words were in Russian, but you knew these words. They were fairly common words and now that you knew the order, you could use this to your advantage. 

_ Give me a countdown for when the lights go out.  _

“I will,” Miguel says. “Be careful now. That's some powerful stuff.”

_ Yeah, I know.  _ Miguel fades away again and you go back to the man.

“Is that all you got?” You ask, trying to fight back the tears of pain. You were woozy but you give them a smirk, “I think you can do better than that.”

“You’re a strong one,” the man caresses your cheek in the most disgusting manner and you try to bite him again. “You’ll make a wonderful addition.”

“Addition to what?” You laugh and gesture to the Winter Soldier, “to that? You can't even control your own fucking soldiers. Look at the rage in his eyes, he’d kill you in a second if he got the chance.”

The blade pops up right at your neck, “shut your mouth or I’ll cut it up.”

“One minute,” Miguel pops back in your head.”

“Make me,” you move yourself closer to the blade. “You’re weak, you have no control.”

“I’ll show you control!” The man moves away from you, jamming the blade into your arm. You scream as he starts telling the Winter Soldier the words. You knew he’d stab you again but damn was this blade in deep. You can barely focus on the words leaving the man’s mouth but you push all your energy into your hearing.

“Thirty seconds,” Miguel says, a little worried. “I hope you timed this right.”

You read the man’s lips.  _ Yeah, I’ll be fine. See you on the other side, pal. _ You prepare yourself.

Five seconds. Two words left. 

“One,” you can see the man say in Russian. 

You yell as quickly as you can just as the lights shut off in Russian, “Freight car!”

“Ready to comply,” is the only thing you can hear in the darkness.

“Get me out of here and don't let anyone get in your way,” you say quickly as your restraints pop off and you push your body over, head butting the two men to your side into each other.

The Winter Soldier bolts out from his chair and knocks out the man in the lab coat. The last armed man quickly gets tackled to the floor and he comes towards you. You pull out the knife in your arm with a quick tug and hold your arm.

“I’m sorry for this,” you say, looking up at the Winter Soldier. “I'm sorry they made you this way. I’m sorry for using you.”

He doesn't seem to acknowledge your apology and he picks you up into his arms, running through the now open doors. What a hollow version of a man, you shiver. The way he screamed when the man said the words, they must've conditioned him extensively. You reflex and reach up to touch his cheek. He doesn't seem to notice, he doesn't seem to register affection. It was an apologetic gesture. You felt sorry for him. You wished you could help him. You wished you could save him. 

When you both get through the last door and are outside, he puts you down and you start running towards the rising sun. Miguel wasn't far away. You gesture the Winter Soldier to follow you to where they have stashed the getaway but he hesitates. Why doesn't he come with you? That hesitation costs him his chance at freedom.

“No!” You scream as a set of Hydra goons sends a multitude of tasers into his back. You can't go back and save him. Your body doesn't let you. You just kept running away. You glance back to see a set of Hydra goons chasing after you, while seeing another set carrying the Winter Soldier, no, James, back inside. You bolt as fast as you can and literally jump into the getaway vehicle as the door opens and it jets off once you close the door. 

You were free of Hydra, for now. 

You were one of the lucky ones. 

You look back at the place where they trapped you and all you can think about was James and the other people like him who were left behind. You also look forward, finally seeing Miguel and his colleagues for the first time. They weren't very well, their bodies were not coping well to such harsh chemical imbalance. They were incredibly pale, malnourished and needed medical attention. Same goes for those still trapped under Hydra. You could help them, you were going to help them. If you couldn't save them now, you would save them soon. It was what you were meant to do. 

You put your hand out in front of you towards them, “I’m Y/N and I’ll be taking care of you and whoever else needs my help from now on. You’re in safe hands now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that concludes my update! Sorry that these two chapters literally took two months :( and sorry that it's such a short update CRIES

**Author's Note:**

> This work is currently in progress so any suggestions/requests plot-wise are welcome!


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